Hilarity Ensues Episode 9, part 6

   While Zoe and the ninja were gone the prisoners had nothing to do except to try to keep calm.  Will and the Bognorian councillor tried to work out where they were from the equipment in the room.  The others just stood in their corner, nervously watching the slowly awakening ninjas and pirates.  They did not have Will's confidence in his hypnotic ability, despite having experienced it themselves.

   It seemed ages before Zoe and her escort returned, but in fact it was not long.  She bore with her two huge flasks, and a stack of drinking beakers.  The ninja was carrying the same.

   Will stood in front of the chief ninja and the pirate queen.  "You will order all your people to drink to the alliance you have formed," he said.  Immediately the chief ninja switched on the intercom.  "All astroninjas and pirates will drink to the friendship between our two peoples.  Drinks will be served at the canteen next to the control room.  All personnel are to report there immediately."  He handed the microphone to Queen Argent, who said; "And that goes fer yee too, me brave lasses.  Splice th' mainbrace!"

   "I didn't think pirates really said that," Agnes whispered to Ruth.  "Not space pirates, at least!"

   Zoe, still in her pirate garb, went with one of the ninjas to serve the sleeping draught to the rest of the combined crews.  Another ninja served out the drink to those in the control room.  The prisoners watched as the ninjas and pirates succumbed to the draught, at first laughing and talking freely, and then slowly sinking to the ground, rubbing their eyes bemusedly, and falling into sleep.  Before long there was not a single person awake in the room apart from the prisoners.

   Zoe came back in shortly after.  "All asleep," she said.  "There may still be one or two guards around the corridors, though."

   "We'll just have to chance that," Will said.

   "Nice work," Ernest said, straightening up from where he had been examining one of the sleeping pirates.  "What's in that stuff?"

   "Herbs and spices- and quite a lot of alcohol," Zoe said.  "It was sometimes useful at school."

   "They taught you things like that?" Agnes said.  "That beats chemistry lessons!"

   "Oh, not in lessons," Zoe said, smiling.

   "Anyway, let's get out of here while we can," Will said.

   Quickly they made their way to the docking bay, fortunately meeting nobody on the way.  They were all glad to be back aboard the Hilarity once more, and before long they were leaving the space station behind them.

   "The oxy-hydra draught lasts for twelve hours," Zoe said.  "We've got a good start on them."  She adjusted some controls.  Will was peering at a screen next to her.

   Ernest looked at them, and then cleared his throat to speak.  "Can I just ask one question?" he said.  "It may seem silly and insignificant, I dare say, but- where are we going?"

   Platorza Portoran, the Bognorian lord, looked quickly at Will.  "Sir, your people need you!" he said.

   Will looked from him to the others, and then at Zoe and back to the others.  "I am sorry," he said quietly to Portoran, "My heart longs to return to my people, but I have other responsibilities too.  I kidnapped these people, and brought them into a danger which is no concern of theirs.  I must do what I can to amend that, and to see that they are safe."

   The Bognorian lord looked to Zoe with a mute appeal for her to intervene, but she shook her head.  "He's right, I'm afraid," she said.

   The Earth-dwellers looked at one another.  While Platorza Portoran fell to his knees and began to pour fourth remonstrances in Bognorian that they could not understand, they gathered together and and began to speak and whisper vehemently among themselves.

   Eventually they reached a decision, and turned back to the others.  Will and Zoe were still hunched over the controls, tight lipped, while the Bognorian nobleman appeared to have been overcome with tears.  Ernest, as ever the spokesperson, stepped forward.

   "First of all, thanks for what you said just now, and for your decision earlier to put us before your own wishes.  If it hadn't been for that, we probably wouldn't be saying this now.  But things have changed since you kidnapped us, and since we started getting imprisoned.  It wasn't our quarrel, but the way your enemies have been willing to use us, who are innocent of anything in this matter, to get their way has made it our quarrel.  After all, you brought us to be ambassadors for earth, and we feel that we have to live up to people's expectations of us.  From what you say, we have a reputation to maintain on behalf of our planet.  So let's make a bargain.  Our parents and friends presumably already think we're dead, so what difference will a few days or even weeks away make?  We will agree to go to Bognor with you, and help you, if we can.  In return- well, you were on earth long enough to know what they think about people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.  When we return, you will send with us indisputable proof that aliens exist, so that people don't think we're mad.

   Will's eyes were shining now like the stars in his display screen.  "You're sure?" he said eagerly.  Ruth and the others nodded.

   "Since we were brought here to be ambassadors or advisers on behalf of earth, we might as well start by trying to oppose illegitimate government."

   "Thank you- thank you so much," Will and Zoe said.

   "Just one problem though," said Ernest, "How on earth- or off it- are we going to do it?"

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 9, part 5.

   "We're in trouble now," Adam said.

   "And we weren't before?" Agnes replied.

   "Strange as it sounds, I guess we have to hope the ninjas win," Ernest said.  "Otherwise we don't stand a chance."

   "They're the best fighters in the galaxy," Zoe said.  "The pirates can't defeat them."

   Yet, amazingly, the pirates seemed to have docked and boarded the space station.  Reports came through  that they were fiercely fighting their way right into the heart of the station, to the control room itself.  The astroninjas who had been scattered throughout the ship began to congregate there, ready to defend their chief and to prevent the pirates getting through to the prisoners.

   But the two foes seemed to be equally matched.  Neither seemed to have any advantage over the other.  After some time a message came through.  "They're calling for a parley," Zoe said incredulously.  Even more surprisingly, the chief ninja agreed, and an armed escort was sent to bring Queen Argent to the control room.

   In the bustle that this created, Will, who was standing at the back of the group by the wall suddenly touched those nearest him on the shoulder and began whispering to them.  Those on the outskirts of the group, seeing that he had some kind of plan, tried to stand in front of the conspirators and to look natural, as if they weren't hiding anyone.

   Ruth, on the edge of the group, saw Will edging towards her.  Tom was next to her.

   "What are you going to do?" he asked.

   "Gklhsdafh," Will whispered.  "Hypnotism, you call it.  Like I did to all of you at first."

   "On so many of them at once?" Ruth whispered.  "Will it work?"

   "What have we got to loose?" he asked.  "When the lights go off, shut your eyes.  Tell the others."

   The part of the wall against which the prisoners were stood included the light switch, and it was this that had given Will his idea.  He was cautiously edging towards it, unseen by the dozen or so astroninjas currently in the control room.  He reached it, and stood by it, waiting.

   Queen Argent and her escort of three pirates were ushered into the control room.  The chief ninja strode towards her, and bowed.  She in turn swept off her hat and bowed to him.

   "May I ask the reason for this parley?" he said.  "And indeed, why you choose to come here and attack our base?"

   "There is the reason," the Pirate Queen said, pointing towards the prisoners.

   "Are you in the employ of the soon-to-be-former royal house of Bognor?" the chief requested.

   "No! I be havin' nay dealings wi' politics," the Pirate Queen said.  "But they- they escaped from me clutches, an' stole away me lass an' our apprentice! An' then they helped get us arrested an' jailed, an' our ship

confiscated, an' a deal o' a job we had t' break free an' get aft t' th' ship. We`ve tracked them here fer revenge- an' we will be havin' 't! I called fer th' parley on accoun' o' I thought ye might nay be averse t' killin' them yourselves, an' I wanted t' make sure they weren`t already dead."  She glanced around.  "Perhaps we could come t' an alliance?"

   "And why should we feel the need to do that?" the chief ninja said.

   "Because from what I see, we're both on the same side, and even if you can beat us, it'll take you time and effort you'd be better using elsewhere."

   "But our mission is not to kill these vagrants, or we should have done it by now.  We intend to hold them here until our client's business is completed, and then to return them to the planet whence they came."

   "But who would know?" said Queen Argent.  "Hold them a few days longer, aye, but when th' time comes hand them o'er t' us!  't`ll save ye th' time an' th' journey. Ye can be sure that nay word o' 't will reach yer client, an' nobody will go t' that forsaken wee planet t' check."

   The chief ninja looked at her consideringly.  "That does seem to be a possible solution," he said to the prisoners' horror.  "Once the business is completed, I do not expect our client will be particularly bothered what becomes of the prisoners, so long as they are out of his way and cannot interfere with his plans.  But perhaps we should talk a little more about terms."

   At that moment the room was plunged into darkness, apart from the flickering lights of the computer screens.  The astroninjas and pirates cried out and began to make towards the prisoners.  Fortunatly, none dared fire a weapon for fear of hitting their friends in the darkness.  But Will flashed the light quickly a couple of times and spoke a couple of unknown words in a commanding manner.  Both the astroninjas and the pirates stood motionless, their arms falling to their sides, watching as Will flashed the light again and again and their bodies began to relax.

   Not that the prisoners could see this.  They had their eyes tightly closed with their hands in front of them.  Now they knew what he was doing, and as his will was not bent on subduing them, they found that they were able to resist falling under the spell.

   "You can look now," Will said after a while.  Looking up, they saw that all the ninjas and pirates in the room were lying on the floor between the banks of screens and controls, seemingly asleep.

   "When they wake they will be under my control," Will said.  "But there are still many more of them outside this room, between us and freedom."

   "But we've got to escape!" Zoe exclaimed.  "Otherwise we're going to be dead!"

   "Even if we could get to the ship they'd outrun us for sure, unless we can get some kind of head start on them," Nick said.

   Will was thinking.  "Zoe, can you still make that oxy-hydra sleeping draught that you used to make at?" he asked.

   "Yes, if I have the right ingredients," she said.  "But how's that going to help when I haven't got any?"

   "That one's waking up," Emma said, pointing to one of the ninjas who had been stationed in the control room.

   "Quick," Will said to Zoe.  "Grab that pirate's coat and put it on.  Try to look piratical."  She looked at him questioningly, but did as he said.  Will helped the wakening ninja upright, looking closely at his eyes.

   "What happened?" the ninja said.

   "There was a brief systems failure, and everyone was knocked out by lack of oxygen," Will said.  "You'll be all right in a minute.  Go with this lady to the kitchens to make us all a reviving drink."  The ninja, still blinking and confused, nodded and left the room, accompanied by Zoe in her pirate garb.

   "Well, the hypnosis has worked on him," Nick said.  But what about the others?"

   "I'm pretty good at it," Will said.  "It always has before."

   "Except for us four," Tom said.

   "I was in a hurry then.  But that was the first time I'd failed.  Let's hope this isn't the second."

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 9, part 4.

   "It's no use," Will said despairingly.  "How can we escape?  We're on a space station in we don't know what sector of space, we're heavily guarded by astroninjas, we don't even know if our ship's still here or has been destroyed.  What chance do we have?"  He turned away and walked off.

   "Will!" Zoe said angrily.

   "He's had a shock," Emma said.  "You both have, I guess.  Give him some time."

   "He's right though," Ernest said.  "You've got to admit, we haven't got a chance of getting out of here."

   "This wasn't all Portoran's mission," said Zoe.  "He was coming also to warn us about the coup.  But he was too late, of course.  But now at least we know who's behind it."

   "Someone you know?" Ernest asked.

   "Our uncle," Zoe said.  "Well, uncle by marriage.  I should have guessed, really.  He's...well he's always been nice to us, but since we grew up it never felt very genuine.  He's- he was one of the king's councillors and has quite a following, and he's wealthy- he'd have to be to hire astroninjas, although I expect he's promised them some share in the profits of the coup.  Our home, plundered to pay mercenaries!  The policies he advocated in council were always opposed to our father's, advocating a strong hand to suppress opposition and oppressive taxes.  The people of Bognor will suffer if he is allowed to rule unchallenged."

   And yet, as Ernest had said, there seemed to be no way of escape.  Hard as they thought and looked, there was no way out of the rooms where they were held, let alone of getting off the space station.  Another day passed before there seemed to be any hope.

   At first it didn't seem like hope, but if anything a worsening of their situation.  There was a speaker in the main room which was tuned in to the station's intercom, allowing the prisoners to hear something of what was going on.  Suddenly an alarm siren started blaring.

   "What's that?" Tom asked in alarm.

   "Some kind of emergency- a fire?" Zoe said.  Platorza Portoran, who it appeared could speak English almost as well as Will and Zoe, shook his head.

   "It is the alarm to say they are under attack," he said.

   "The astroninjas are being attacked?" Zoe said.  "Somebody's either very brave or very stupid."

   "It's not likely to be your forces, is it?" Emma asked, but Portoran shook his head.

   "The space fleet was first to fall to the usurper," he said.  "It is not rescue."

   "But the confusion might give us a chance to escape!" Zoe said.

   "What's the point?" Will said.  

   "We can at least try," she said.

   "This isn't some kind of story," Will said.  "That door's locked.  Even if the guards went away we wouldn't be able to get out."

   "There's often...another way..." Zoe replied, pulling her hair loose and pulling her skirt up to shorten it.

   "And the guards aren't going to be seduced, either," Will said.  

   They listened to the shouts and orders coming over the intercom, as the astroninjas prepared to open fire on the attacking ship.

   "Sounds like they're putting up quite a fight, whoever they are," Ernest commented.

   Unexpectedly they heard the door being unlocked.  A guard of astroninjas floated there, armed as usual with both swords and energy guns, which they directed towards the prisoners.

   "Come," one of the ninjas said.  "Quickly!"  The prisoners grabbed such of their possessions as they had been able to bring with them- in weightless conditions you couldn't just put things down and expect to find them next time you wanted them, so even the least tidy of the travellers had been forced to keep things in a bag- and followed the guard down the corridor.  Other guards closed in behind them.  Eventually they came out on to the station control room, where the chief ninja was standing at a desk giving orders to the defenders.  Every now and then shocks could be felt as the attacking ship's sonic cannons struck home. 

   The chief ninja came over to the prisoners as they were ushered into a corner, like frightened sheep, and ordered their wrists to be bound.

   "If these attackers, whoever they are, think they're going to rescue you they're wrong," he said.  "If they set foot in this room, you will die."  He spoke to the guards in their own language, and they trained their weapons on the prisoners.

   "And I'd recommend you think twice before trying to sabotage any of our equipment, with some idea of helping these assailants," the chief said, turning back to them.  "I have instructed the guards to shoot first, and ask questions afterwards.  If there is anything left to ask."  He went back to the control desk.

   "He means it," Will said quietly.  "There's no way they'll risk us escaping.  If we're dead, they can't use us to bargain with, but that's better than us being at liberty."  He looked at the floor.  "Maybe it would be better if I was dead, so they couldn't use me to bargain with."

   Now, at least, the prisoners could see what was going on.  There was a screen in front of them which was showing the attacking ship.  It was coming closer.

   "They're going to try and board," Zoe said, watching carefully.

   "Surely the ninjas can jam the hatchways or something?" Tom said.

   "Yes, but there are ways of overriding the controls so they revert to manual, and then a good shove will open it," Zoe replied.

   They could see the ship approaching the docking bay.  

   "Look, the Hilarity's still there!" Agnes said.  "Not that it's much good to us."  

   The attacking ship was large, but sleek and speedy.  It was almost touching the space station now.  Ruth looked at it, and thought that it seemed familiar.  But no, surely not...it was just her inexperience of spaceships, right?  But...

   "Uh oh," Ernest said.

   "What?" Tom asked.

   "You know the old question, who would win out of pirates versus ninjas?"  

   "Yes?" 

   "I think we might be about to find out."

   Ernest was right.  It was the Amazon, Queen Argent's ship.  The pirates were back, and they weren't happy.

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 9, part 3

   The atmosphere in the room changed immediately.  It was as if a bowstring, pulled back as far as it could go and filled with potential energy from the tension it was under, had suddenly been released.  The sense of relief was palpable.  

   "You both agree to that?" the chief ninja asked.  

   "Yes," Zoe said.  

   "Very well.  Your escort will be arranged once our client's coup on Bognor is complete.  Until then, you will remain here in case he has other need of you- if things seem to be going badly for him, he may need hostages."

   He turned and left.

   "I hope that was the right decision," Will said somberly. 

   "Thank you," Ruth said, looking from him to his sister.  "I know it's maybe not what you wanted to do, but thank you so much."

   Zoe shrugged.  "Will's the elder, the King's Heir.  Even if I'm not certain he's right, I have to respect him.  Besides, he's right.  It's not going to help our people if they kill us, so what's the point?"

   "It may not make much difference, if they're going to use us as hostages," Will warned.  "If his coup isn't as successful as he thinks it will be, if the king's troops are closing in on him, for example, he can tell them to back off or he'll kill us.  Or if they defeat him he can use us to bargain for his safety.  You're not home or safe yet, I'm afraid."

   

   The days wore on, indistinguishable from one another.  The prisoners had little concept of the passage of time.  They were bored, and beginning to feel claustrophobic in a space that was none too big for so many of them.   

   Not the least fearful aspect of their imprisonment was the attempts that some of the lads made to cheer everyone up.  The Gilbert and Sullivan society- or certain of its members- had always had a reputation for having a terrible sense of humour, and this now came out of its lair to prey upon a captive audience.  Certain members of the society could make a single 'joke' last half a day.  Before long, if you said the words 'shire horse' 'mad monk' or 'pink gorilla' to anyone in those rooms they would either swear madly at you, or attack you viciously.  One endless day it became too much and the jokers were banished to one of the sleeping areas and forbidden from coming out until they had exhausted their supply of anecdotes, puns and questions about how many members of different sections of the orchestra it took to change a light bulb.

   "There once was a very adventurous cornflake-" were the last words heard to emanate from that room before the door was firmly closed on the half-dozen or so people who had been the worst offenders.  It was several hours before that room appeared to fall suspiciously silent.  Then there was a tap on the door.

   Emma opened it part of the way.  "Have you finished?" she asked.  Ernest nodded at her contritely.  

   "Nothing more about viola players, or taxidermists?"  He nodded again.

   "Sure?"

   "Well, how many G&S members does it take to change a light bulb?"

   Emma shut the door, then opened it again.  "Well?"

   "One to hold the bulb, and a few to shout 'More wine!' until the room starts spinning."

   She shut the door again firmly.  It was another hour before they let them out.  Even then they weren't completely cured, and occasionally someone would ask; "How many of the cast of Wicked does it take to change a light bulb?  None, because it's too high for all of them."  But the threat of being shut up again seemed to have at least slowed down the rate at which these pearls of wisdom appeared.

   Not long after that there was another distraction from the monotony of imprisonment.  The door was opened and another prisoner was pushed in.  He appeared to be confused, and looked as though he had been ill-treated for some time.  If there had been any gravity he would have fallen, but since there was none he just floated in a rather stumbling way.

   At the sight of him Will and Zoe hurried forward to help him, and began speaking to him in their own language, which none of the earth-dwellers could understand.  They looked at each other, puzzled.  On hearing Will and Zoe's voices the man looked up, and recognising them he tried to kneel, but the weightlessness and their hands prevented him.  The man looked up at Will and spoke a short sentence.  

   Will stood stock still, his hands falling from the strangers' arms.  He stared at him for a moment, then looked at Zoe.  She seemed no less shocked than her brother, but quickly asked a question of the man, still in Bognorian, which he answered.  They both looked at Will.  Eventually he came out of his shocked state, spoke to the man and he and Zoe helped him into one of the sleeping areas.  The others began to talk and speculate as to who he was and what had happened.  

    After a few minutes Will and Zoe came out and everyone stopped talking and looked at them.  Will still looked shocked, and struggled to speak.

   "That is Platorza Portoran, a Bognorian nobleman and councillor.  He was left Bognor a week ago on a secret mission to find us, but his ship was attacked by the astroninjas and he was captured and beaten, because he would not tell them what his mission was.  He had come to tell me- to say that- our father is dead.  I am king of Bognor."

   No one was quite sure what to say.  'Congratulations' seemed out of place when it was his father's death that had caused this to happen.  

   "I am glad I didn't know before I made the choice," Will said, not looking at any of them.  "As king it would have been harder than it was to surrender the trust of my people and accept that this usurper had defeated me."

   "But what could you have done?" Adam said.  "What would have been different?"

   "I should have died.  Look at Portoran, he was beaten and nearly killed in the service of the king.  Others back on Bognor are fighting for my cause, even now.  How could I have saved my own life, and made all their sacrifice worthless?"

   "You saved us," Emma said.  "Is that worthless?"

   "And we aren't dead," Zoe said.  "It's too late to worry about all that now.  And while we're alive we still have a chance of getting back to Bognor.  We've got to escape."

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 9, part 2

   They were taken across to the space station and locked up in a suite of rooms that were utilitarian but not uncomfortable, clearly designed for accommodating prisoners.  Two rooms containing bunk-like beds opened out of living area.  There was no gravity there or anywhere on the space station- the astroninjas seemed quite at home without it.

   But their surroundings were not their first concern.  Apprehensively the travellers gathered silently in the living area, where Will and Zoe were engaged in a discussion that occasionally flared into argument.  

   "We can't accept this rebel's succession, whoever he is," Zoe said vehemently.  "Will, you can't possibly want to give in! After everything they've done to us, what kind of king would he make?"

   "I know, I agree.  I'm not going to tamely give in and go back to Bognor as this man's vassal.  I'm not going to be used to give him legitimacy.  But..."

   "But?" 

   "What good does it do if we get ourselves killed?" Will said.  "I think we should go to Earth."

   "You can't abandon our people!" Zoe exclaimed.

   "But what good will it do them if we are dead?"  Will said.  "Zoe, we can't help them now.  But we have other responsibilities too.  We took our friends away from their planet without their consent, and got them mixed up with all this.  I know we didn't mean to, but they're still our responsibility.  Why should they have to die when it's not their fault?"  

   Zoe turned on him.  "You're just afraid of death!" she shouted.

   "Maybe I am," Will replied, ashamed.  "But it's still true."

   Zoe looked around at them.  "But...exile...being marooned on Earth..." 

   "There are worse places it could be," Will said.  "And besides..." He leaned in closer to her and spoke in a whisper, afraid of being overheard.  "If we're still alive, there's always the chance that in the future we might be able to do something to help our people."  

   Zoe looked at him silently, turning away to think.

   "Can we have a chance to say something now?" Ernest asked.  "It is our lives you're discussing too."

   "You want to go home," Will said bleakly.  "I know.  Like I said, I know it's our responsibility.  But you have to understand, we have been brought up to lead, to serve the people of our planet above everything else.  We can't acknowledge someone else as ruler.  But to go to Earth is like an acceptance of that too.  It's hard for us to acknowledge that we are defeated.  That...we don't have a home now.  I'm sorry."

   "You must do what you think is right," Ruth said.  "I understand."  

   "We have been brought up to lead, to make the right decision on other people's behalf," Will said.  "But now I don't know what to do."

   He stared bleakly at the floor, and the others began to drift away and whisper among themselves.  For the first time, Ruth saw, the other travellers were beginning to have some pity for the royal siblings.  

   "We should never have left Bognor," Will said suddenly.  "It's not done any good to anyone."

   "You couldn't foresee what would happen," Ruth said to him.  "Don't blame yourselves."  

   He looked at her in surprise.  "How can you say something like that?  Because of us, you nearly died!"

   "You didn't intend that to happen," she said.  He shook his head, still confused.  

   None of them slept much that day (or night).  Although the ninjas were by far less unpleasant than the Pserpentese, there was an underlying sense of menace surrounding their prison.  Although their surroundings were clean and obviously in much better repair than the Hilarity and in fact far more what the travellers had expected of a space station, the air seemed tense.  Over the past few weeks the travellers had got used to living in such an inhospitable place as space, and yet now they seemed to realise anew how vulnerable they were, how dependent on their artificial surroundings to keep them alive.  Their captors would not even have to come near them to kill them, they could just press a button and cut off their oxygen supply and they would die, completely unable to help themselves.  They might not even know until it was too late.  

   This idea, once conceived (no one knew by whom) began to haunt the travellers until they were all jumpy and jittery like children in the dark.  Few people dared to sleep, for fear of never waking up.  They sat around, starting at the smallest unexplained sound or blink of the lights.  Even those who thought the idea unlikely were infected by the general atmosphere of fear and were unable to relax.

   Yet the coming of the chief ninja took them by surprise, for with his escort he moved down the corridor silently in the weightless world, and opening the door suddenly caused several people to start and some to suppress a scream.  

   "It is time for your answer," he asked, as Will and Zoe straightened themselves up to face him.  They had spent some time earlier whispering together, and seemed to have come to some sort of decision.  "So, what do you choose?  To return to your home and promise to serve your new master?"

   "Never!" said Zoe firmly.  The chief of the astroninjas looked at Will.

   "Zoe's right," Will said, a little shakily but trying to sound firm.  "I would never- we would never- accept such an offer."  He stopped a moment to pull himself together.  

  "I cannot accept his succession.  But I do not want to die, or to sentence my friends to death in a cause that is not their own.  Return them to their planet.  They are not part of this quarrel, they can do you no harm.  And then- I agree with my sister.  We cannot accept this usurper's attempt to seize power."

   "Either you all return, or none," the ninja said.  The tension in the room increased even further as everyone's attention focused on the chief and the royal brother and sister.  Will looked at Zoe.  She nodded, resignedly.  

   "Then we all go to Earth," Will said.

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 9, part 1.

Dark Danger Hangs Upon the Deed


   The travellers floated around the green room, glumly contemplating the past few hours.  The astroninjas had boarded and confined them upstairs, but had not been cruel to them.  It could have been worse, Ruth thought, shuddering.  It could have been the Pserpentese.

   That said, their plight was still pretty bad.  Once again they were captives, with no idea of where they were going or what was going to be done with them.  Had the astroninjas completed their work elsewhere- presumably organising a coup on Bognor- or had the escape of the travellers from Pserpentese custody forced them to temporarily abandon that to search for them again?  Were they going to be killed?  But if they were, why not do so at once and save the bother of guarding and feeding them?  Perhaps they were some kind of insurance policy for the plotters, a bargaining tool in case things went wrong.  Or at least Will and Zoe were.  The others were only too afraid that they were expendable.  Their usefulness might well be only in ensuring the royals' co-operation.

   Ruth tried to sleep.  She was still tired and weak, but worry and fear kept her awake.  Had she been through all that had happened, and survived, only to be killed a few days later?  She lay with her head facing the wall, so no one could see her tears, and tried to resign herself to captivity again.  

   For two days they journeyed on.  Will and Zoe had no idea where they were going.  Their captors told them nothing.  They gave them food and drink, and allowed them to move along the top corridor between the dressing rooms and green room, but the doors were guarded and the teleport was once more disabled.  They had confiscated the GilBot too.  The only good thing was that Patrick and Ruth were able to rest and continued to recover from their illness, gaining in strength.

   On the third day they arrived at what seemed to be their final destination.  The Hilarity drew alongside a huge space station and moved gently into a docking bay so the main airlock door opened directly onto the station.  The prisoners assumed this was a prelude to their being removed, but for some time nothing happened.  

   Eventually the door opened and a ninja entered.  Like all the astroninjas, he seemed to be able to walk normally even though there was no gravity.  Also like them he was dressed in black clothes that were designed not to get in the way during fighting, although his seemed subtly different, as if to hint that the wearer was still perfectly capable of fighting but didn't expect to have to.  They were decorated with gold and silver embroidery and gave an impression of riches and success.  The prisoners didn't need to be told that he was the astroninjas' chief.  

   He strode into the centre of the room, a ceremonial guard of ordinary ninjas behind him.   

   "The prince and princess of Bognor will stand forward," he said.  

   "Don't," said Ruth, carefully not looking at either Will or Zoe.  "We won't tell them who you are."

   "I am not ashamed or afraid," Zoe said, moving forward.  

   "Nor am I," said Will, joining her, although his looks contradicted his words.

   The chief laughed.  "You need not fear," he said.  "Our instructions are to keep you alive if possible.  You may be useful to our clients"

   "Who is your client?" Zoe demanded.  The chief smiled.  "Alas, our code of conduct forbids me to tell you.  I am to be his mouthpiece in his dealings with you.  He wishes to offer the two of you a choice."

   "Choice?" 

   "My client is currently close to achieving complete control of Bognor.  The parliament, the cabinet will all accept his rule.  Politicians who know how to bend with the prevailing wind.  But in the eyes of the populace he will still lack legitimacy while the heirs to the throne live.  So he needs your assent."

   "Never!" Zoe said vehemently.  

   "He will make you an offer," the ninja continued, "You can return home, declare your consent to his rule, and live as private individuals on Bognor, taking no part in politics.  Or, if you do not choose to return and live under his rule, we are authorised to take you back to the planet Earth, of which you are so fond, and you can continue your lives there in exile.  If you decline both these offers, I am afraid our client has no other option but to have you killed."

   "And what about us?" Ernest said.  "This is not our quarrel.  We didn't ask to be mixed up in the politics of another planet."

   "Your fate will follow that of your leaders," the chief ninja said.  "Freedom in submission, a return to Earth, or death."

   "We didn't choose them to lead us," Emma said.  "We were kidnapped!  It's not fair that we should be the victims in someone else's war."

   "War has many victims, and is rarely fair," said the astroninja calmly.  "Learn to accept your fate stoically."

   The earth-dwellers looked at one another.  Perhaps this was a chance for them to return home sooner than any of them had looked for.  But it depended on Will and Zoe's choice.  

   "So you have a choice," the ninja said, turning back to the royal brother and sister.  "You can either accept my client's succession to the throne of Bognor, submit, make your peace and return home.  Or you can return to planet Earth and stay there.  Or...you will die."  

   Everyone was watching Will and Zoe as they looked at one another.  What would they choose?  How much courage did they have?

   "Tomorrow I will ask you for your decision," the chief ninja said.  "Consider the offer well, consult your friends, for you won't get a second chance."  He turned and left the room.

The story continues...