"It's utterly crazy," Ernest said, "but it just might work."
They had also discovered where they were, and the news had encouraged them. The planet which the space station was orbiting was a gas giant in the same system as Bognor. Finally the place which had been their destination for so long seemed within reach.
Almost. From what the Bognorian nobleman with them said it would not be safe for them to land anywhere near the capital of Bognor Regis. The planet was almost entirely under the control of the insurgent government, and if the new king and princess attempted to land without military protection, Platorza Portoran was not sure that they would not be shot down, or imprisoned and quietly murdered.
So they were heading back to the astroninja space station. "We need an army," Zoe had said, "and the best fighters in the galaxy are so close."
"But how are you going to persuade the astroninjas to change sides?" Emma had asked.
"Or the pirates to stop wanting to kill us?" Ernest added.
"When they awake from the drink I gave them, they'll be highly suggestible," Zoe had said. "And of course their leaders are still under Will's hypnosis. I think we can persuade them."
"I hope you're right," Ernest replied.
Before long the Hilarity was slipping back into the docking bay as if she had never left.
"They'll all still be asleep, won't they?" Ruth asked somewhat nervously.
"The potion makes them sleep for twelve hours, and it's less than six since we left," Zoe said. She hesitated. "But there's something else I ought to warn you about the oxy-hydra philtre."
"What filter?" Emma said. "Don't say there's something wrong with the air filter?"
"I didn't say filter, I said philtre."
"You don't mean a love potion!" Emma exclaimed.
"Of course," Zoe replied. "It's a side effect of the sleeping draught. The person who's been drugged falls in love with the first person of the opposite sex they see when they awake."
"Love between pirates who are raging feminists and ninjas who are sworn to celibacy as part of their training...this could be interesting..."
"They'll fall in love with anyone of the opposite sex?" asked Tom.
"Yes. So when they start to wake up, we'd better get out of the way," Will said. "Unless you want a pirate following you around."
And so, some hours later, they watched on a hidden camera as Queen Argent woke up. While they slept, the travellers had moved her and the chief ninja into a room by themselves, and locked the door. So the first thing she saw was the sleeping body of the chief astroninja lying beside her. She blinked a few times, stared at him and gave a gasp.
The ninja's eyes opened, and he sat up, staring into the eyes of the pirate queen. The travellers, watching, could not help laughing out loud as they saw these people, who had terrorised them and held them prisoner, sinking into gooey love talk and gazing at one another in ecstasy. They missed most of what was said but they could see plainly enough that the philtre had worked.
Then Will, with Ernest and Ruth and Tom, went into the room where the new lovers were. Immediately they looked up at them.
"What have you done to us?" Queen Argent asked, trying to sound angry but failing.
"Shown you what love is," Ruth said. "Isn't it good?"
"Tis none o' your business," the pirate queen, but it sounded half-hearted as she looked up at the chief ninja. He put an arm around her.
"A love philtre, I presume," he said. "But why? Don't tell me it was from purely philanthropic motives."
"Not at all," said Will. "In fact, we merely wanted to put you to sleep to allow us to escape. But then we realised the potential. And I shouldn't bother," he added, turning back to Argent who had been reaching for the holster where her gun should be. "We searched and disarmed you both. And all your troops are locked up too, and those that aren't still asleep are falling deeply in love with one another. Pirates and ninjas."
"So you think that you have turned the tables, and we are now your prisoners?" the chief astroninja said. "And what do you intend to do now?"
"Persuade you that you are both going to join me in opposing our uncle's coup," said Will.
"In return for our freedom?" laughed the chief. "I think not. Why, I could overpower you now, and your group of puny humans wouldn't stop me for a minute."
"You ninjas are mercenaries, and the pirates' deepest desire is for wealth," said Will. "Or at least, so they say. Money is all you wanted. But now you have been given something else, something money cannot buy. You have all the money you need. Perhaps now is a time to change?"
The chief ninja and Queen Argent tried to laugh contemptuously, but they sounded troubled and uncertain.
"Why should we stop now?" the queen said. "Together we could do so much more!"
Will shrugged, and snapped his fingers. At once the lovers fell silent. Will spoke to them, telling them that now they would support his cause, and that the pirates and ninjas would fight for him. Snapping his fingers, he spoke to them again as if nothing had happened.
"Well, I'm so glad you agree. My sister and I really do appreciate it."
"Well, I suppose it is time we did something right, to make up for all our past crimes," the chief astroninja said, taking Argent's hand.
"And to thank you for this love you have given us," the pirate queen said, looking dreamily into the chief's eyes.
"Excellent," Will said. "Then let us go to Bognor!"
The others, watching on the camera in another room, could hardly believe it.
"He's done it!" Zoe said, excited.
"You know, I'm not so sure about the saying that money can't buy you love," Agnes said. The others looked at her in surprise. "Well, you could buy that philtre, couldn't you?"
The story continues...
"On the contrary, I *do* mean a love potion!"
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