Hilarity Ensues Episode 3, part 3.

The Queen was a tall woman, not skinny but not fat. She held herself up regally and strode confidently into the foyer. She wore clothes that were definitely feminine in shape and style, but that didn't hamper her movements. Over a red knee-length tunic and black tights she wore a long tail-coat, black with silver edging and decoration on the cuffs, collar, lapels and hem. Her hair was long, and was pinned up on her head in an outlandish, carefree fashion which only accentuated her fierceness.

She was followed by her crew. Ruth and the others noticed with surprise that they were all women, dressed similarly to Argent, only less flamboyant and perhaps less fierce. Except for one. Last on board, and with an expression of put-upon, down-trodden depression, was a young man, about their own age. At first glance it was hard to tell that he was any different to the others, for he too wore the tunic and tail-coat, although in his case it seemed that he had outgrown his clothes. He also had long hair, although his seemed to have escaped its pins and cascaded down his back- or rather, in the absence of gravity, floated about at all angles. It was the long, untidy beard that gave him away.

"Who be th' captain?" demanded Queen Argent. " An' be quick about it."

Will reluctantly stepped forward, casting scared looks at Zoe. "I am," he said.

Queen Argent looked at him. "You're rather young fer command, aren't ye? Where's yer first officer?"

"That would be me," Zoe said, stepping forward.

"You`ll show me quartermistress here round th' ship, an' dasn't ye go tryin' t' hide anythin' from us, we`ll find 't anyway. 't jus' saves time."

A stout- that was the polite way to put it- woman who looked somewhat older than the rest and whose tunic was somewhat longer stepped forward, took Zoe by the arm and with a couple of the other pirates set off up the steps to the auditorium.

The Queen turned to Will. "You will give me th' names an' homeport planets o' all yer crew an' passengers."

Explaining the situation took some time. The pirates seemed quite excited to hear that nearly all of their captives were from Earth, a planet they knew very little about, apart from the Queen who remained unimpressed. Zoe and Will had explained that many of the civilisations across the galaxy looked on Earth in much the same way the nineteenth century empire-builders of Europe had looked on people in more 'backward' parts of the world- as quaint, unspoilt, primitive cultures inhabited by natives who were likened to children in their ways of living. They crowded round, almost as if the G&Sers were exhibits at a zoo. A taste of what was to come if they ever reached Bognor, Ruth thought gloomily.

The pirates were less thrilled to discover the ship's port of origin.

"You be Bognorians?" Argent demanded.

"My sister and I, yes."

"Your names? Clan?"

"Rawerkj and Jegsdda Rdircahpaerrds." Will looked up at the queen. "Of the royal clan. Our father is King Fafkhrkj of Bognor."

"Ye`re th' king`s children? His heirs?" The Queen looked interested for the first time. "Well now, that could be interestin'...ye know he`s ill?"

"What? No, we didn't. Badly ill?" Will sounded anxious.

"Oh, aye." She smiled. "I be sure his people would be horified t' hear that his children an' heirs had fallen into th' hands o' th' Pirate Queen. Especially after our run-in wi' yer ships not so long ago. Dasn't ye think they would be most distressed? Willin' t' pay any amount- an' smartly- t' get them home safely?"

"I couldn't possibly comment," Will replied. He appeared shaken by the Queen's news. Sarah moved forward, and took his hand.

The Queen turned away thoughtfully. The quartermistress reappeared with Zoe, and began talking to the Queen in a low voice. Another pirate, much younger than Argent but with some similarities in appearance joined them. Will told Zoe the news, and she too was upset. "But at least it might get us released quicker," she said. "The Queen's right, they'll pay anything to get us back if dad's really ill."

"What about us?" Sarah asked.

"That depends on her," Will said, turning to look at Argent.

At that moment the Queen and her advisor appeared to come to a decision. She indicated Will and Zoe, and two pirates moved forward and grabbed their arms, twisting them behind their backs.

"You`ll be held t' ransom, an' I expect a pretty penny or two fer th' pair o' ye," Argent said. "Take them away." The pirates forcibly marched them into the airlock and into shuttles, ready to transport back to the pirate ship.

"As fer th' rest o' ye, ye may be interestin' curiosities but I doubt anyone'll pay our prices t' ransom you." Their hearts sank. What was to be their fate?

"All th' men on that side, all th' lasses o'er there," Argent directed. They obeyed, fearful.

"Now, I be a generous lass," the Queen said to the women, ignoring the men, "I dasn't like killin' fer killing`s sake. But ye`re nay use t' us as prisoners. So I`ll give ye a choice. We`re always willin' t' take on new crew. We only take lasses, an' only them who be willin' t' abide by our Code. O'er th' next few days ye`ll learn about our Code, ye`ll find ou' what we do. Then ye can choose: join us, or when we next touch at a slave market ye`ll be sold as cheap labour. `Tis a hard life, an' most only survive a voyage or so. In other words, join us, or die. Piracy's nay a bad life. An' contrasted wi' respectability, 'tis comparatively honest. Th' Galactic Trade Organisation be corrupt t' th' core."

She turned to the men. "For ye, thar`s nay choice. `Tis th' slave market fer ye. Any trouble, an' in fine buccanneer tradition ye`ll walk th' plank, ou' into space."

"That goes fer all o' you," she said, turning back to the women. "We dasn't tolerate mutiny in this ship`s company. Ye join, an' ye sign up t' obey me orders, an' I dasn't give second chances. Fer I am a Pirate Queen!"

"You are!" the pirates chorused. "Hurrah fer th' Pirate Queen!"

"An' 'tis a glorious thin' t' be a Pirate Queen," Argent said. She turned to return to her own ship. "Anne, lock them up an' keep them safe. An' be seein' that them lasses learn our ways."

The story continues...
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