Hilarity Ensues Episode 3, part 6.

"They're taking off," Tom reported from the window where he was keeping a look out.

"Right then," said Bonny Anne. "If possible, we`ll run away from them. This ship o' yer has a good turn o' speed. But if 't comes to 't, we`ll be havin' t' fight' it out. Thar`s nay goin' back now, nay surrender. Th' Queen`ll kill us if she can lay hands on us."

"But the Amazon has better weapons than we do," Will said.

"You managed t' put up a fight against us when we first took ye, an' that`s more than many dare do," Bonny Anne said.

Anne and Zoe went round the ship, checking the weapons and stationing people to work them. Most were automated and controlled from what had been the technical box when the ship had been masquerading as a hall. Others were posted on lookout duty all round the hall with the duel purpose of reporting on the Amazon's movements and keeping an eye out for any damage that might be done to their own ship. Those left were stationed in the bridge, to help work the ship, and to stand by to repel boarders if the pirates tried a direct attack through the airlock.

Ruth stood by the airlock door, watching with a worrying sense of deja vu as the pirate ship began to catch up with them. Did they really have any chance of escaping? Or would they just end up as the latest victims of the Pirate Queen, another addition to the terror-inducing stories about her?

They had taken a chance, gambling their lives for freedom. But was it really freedom? Even if the best happened, they would still be prisoners in a way, prisoners of Will and Zoe. Granted, that was much better than being prisoners of the pirates. But there was still no guarantee that they would ever get back to Earth, that they would ever be really free.

"They're opening fire," Tom reported from nearby. She looked across and saw that it was true.

"Jimdy, open fire as they bear," Bonny Anne said into the communicator. She had taken charge of the ship, and as Queen Argent's weapons fired on them she and Will made the ship weave and dodge and avoided the worst of the hits. Meanwhile Jimdrick and Zoe, in command of the weapons deck upstairs, hit back at the pirates as hard as they could.

"Yes!" shouted Zoe through the communications system. "Direct hit on the sonic cannon!"

"That ought' ta put 't ou' o' use," Anne said. "Well done! That evens th' battle ou'."

The two ships went on firing at each other for some time. Under Bonny Anne's direction, the former prisoners fought their ship so well that neither side appeared to be gaining the upper hand.

"Stalemate," Bonny Anne said, as the two ships continued to weave and dodge and shoot through space.

"The Queen will nere admit defeat," Jimdrick said. "We canna keep this up for ever."

"You know th' boy's right," came another voice, the voice of Queen Argent herself. She had hacked her communications unit through to the Hilarity's. "Surrender, Anne, ye treacherous swine o' a lass, an' maybe I`ll show ye some mercy an' nay make yer death too long drawn ou'!"

"Surrender t' ye? Never!" Bonny Anne shouted in response. She turned a switch and the ship shot off into space. But the pirates were close behind, firing as fast as ever. There was no way of escaping or leaving them behind.

Bonny Anne turned off the communications unit, so her mother could not hear, then turned to Nick who was standing nearby. "Go an' tell Jimdy t' be seein' if he can get a shot into the'r engines," she said. "We've got t' slow them down."

Nick was quickly back with the reply. "He says it's too long a distance, that we'd need to go closer," he said.

Bonny Anne was silent, thinking. "Well then," she said. "We`ve got nothin' t' loose. Time fer some darin'. Go an' warn them, we`re goin' in close."

It was a daring manoeuvre, swerving round and diving in close to the pirate ship. They were rising everything, they knew. But it was their only chance of escape.

A burst of cannon fire, and sparks flew from the pirate ship.

"We got them!" Will exclaimed.

The pirate ship was slowing down. It slewed wildly to one side, seemingly out of control. Bonny Anne turned the communications unit on again. The pirate queen's shouting and cursing could be clearly heard.

"Goodbye, Queen Argent," she said. "That's tarnished yer reputation somewhat, I imagine!"

The pirate ship continued to fall behind as the Hilarity and her motley crew sped off into space.


The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 3, part 5.

As Bonny Anne had said, the next day they landed. The planet, or at least the section they could see from the high windows in the dressing rooms, seemed uninhabited, barren rock and swirling sand. Ruth wondered why they had landed. What could they possibly want from here?

The landing, despite Will and Zoe's earlier fears, had gone fairly smoothly. There was something of a bump as they touched down, but nothing like the awful shuddering they had experienced when taking off. Some of them wondered if perhaps Will's skills as a pilot weren't all that could be desired. Not that it seemed to matter now.

The girls were uncertain what to decide about their future. Should they join Queen Argent's crew of pirates, or allow themselves to be sold as slaves? "Slavery's a hard life, an' an early death," Bonny Anne had said. She had spent some time with the girls, telling them more about what a pirate's life was like. "But our life`s nay easy either. An' since yedasn't know much about space set sail, an' come from a planet that`s so backward, I dasn't know how well ye`d fit in. An' then thar`s th' Code. Sometimes I wish I`d had a choice, that I didna be havin' t' obey...but that`s life. Nothing`s fair."

"Didn't you get a choice?" Rachel asked.

"How could I? Me mother be th' Pirate Queen! I grew up a buccaneer, 'tis all I`ve ever known. An' now I be a criminal, wanted in six systems. Thar`s nay life fer me other than th' one I lead. I be condemned t' lead it till I die, or be captured. An' so alone..." She turned away from the surprised girls. "On yer planet, be thar lasses who live happily wi' men? Or be all relationships like th' things me mother described? Be all men unfaithful, untrustworthy lyin' slime, or be thar some ye can trust? Do ye b'lieve in love, or be 't all jus' some big con as men use t' get power o'er lasses? What be this love?"

They looked at each other, unsure what to say. How could they convince this untaught, scarred pirate of things so far outside her experience.

"I love Ernest," Emma said eventually. "I believe that love is real."

Ruth looked sideways at Sarah. After she had found out about Will's alien origins she had been horrified, but since the pirates had attacked Ruth had sensed a measure of forgiveness, of a second chance developing.

"Love is real," Ruth said. "It doesn't always work out, sometimes things go wrong, but it's real. People aren't perfect, neither men nor women, and sometimes they both do things wrong. But it's worth having your heart broken to know love. And believe me, I know."

"I think as I understand," Bonny Anne said. "But...be 't worth riskin' yer life for?"

"Only you can decide that," Ruth said.

"Would ye?"

Ruth didn't answer for a moment, thinking. "Yes," she said finally. "If I loved someone enough, I would. Because I wouldn't be happy if I didn't."

Bonny Anne said no more, but as she left Ruth thought she looked thoughtful.

The Amazon, Queen Argent's ship had landed beside them. From the windows the others could see the pirates meet outside and confer amongst themselves. Then all but two of them headed off into the distance on foot. The two who were left- Bonny Anne and Jimdrick- headed back into the Hilarity. The prisoners assumed that the others were going to collect whatever it was they had come for- although they still had no idea what it might be- while these two had been left as guards. It didn't seem to matter very much. Their dilemma was still before them.

The pirates disappeared into the distance. The prisoners were alone with their thoughts. For an hour or two (although Earth time, like everything else, was meaningless now) there was peace over the two ships.

Then the prisoners heard the doors at the end of the corridor being unlocked. Nothing strange in that, it was presumably Anne or Jimdrick coming to check up on them.

In fact, it was both. They seemed excited as they called everyone together in the green room.

"The others have gone t' look fer buried treasure," Anne said excitedly. "They won`t be back fer some time. In th' mean time, we`ve been discussin' things an'...we want t' escape. We`re goin' t' launch this ship, get away from here an' th' Pirate Queen. We`ll release ye, an' ye can drop us off somewhere on yer way. Be that alright wi' ye? Ye`ll be free!"

"Well...of course," said Emma. "That's...great. But why? What's made you decide to do that?" Jimdrick and Bonny Anne looked at each other and smiled.

"Well, we be alone together jus' now, an'...I finally told Anne that I loves her..." Jimdrick said shyly.

"And I told Jimdy I loved him too," Bonny Anne said. "So we thought we`d take th' chance t' get away, before th' others come back."

"Congratulations," Ernest said, looking slightly puzzled, but trying to conceal it.

"Well then, let's be off," said Bonny Anne, making a move towards the doors.

"Hang on though, what about the other two?" Sarah said. Will and Zoe were still being kept prisoner in the other ship.

"They kidnapped us," Marie, one of the girls' chorus, said. "Why should we bother about them?"
"We can't just leave them as prisoners," Adam said.

"We need them," Tom agreed. "We don't know how to fly the ship, or how to get home." They all looked at Bonny Anne and Jimdrick.

"Well then," said Bonny Anne. "We`ll be havin' t' go an' get them from th' other ship. Jimdy, ye take a couple o' these lads t' free them while th' rest o' us get ready fer take off." She turned and went downstairs. The former prisoners stared after her, trying to take it in. A few minutes ago there had seemed no hope for them, and now everything had changed!

Or had it? Even if they escaped the clutches of the Pirate Queen, what would happen then? Could they trust Bonny Anne and Jimdrick? With Will and Zoe back and able to fly the ship, could the G&Sers take control if the two ex-pirates refused to set them free? But given the choice that faced them if they remained, what did they have to loose? Their recent experiences had made them perhaps less cautious than they had been before leaving Earth. Going along with Anne's plan seemed the best thing to do.

"We'd better go and get the other two," Nick said, looking at Jimdrick. He nodded, and Nick and David followed him down the stairs. The others hurried down to the foyer- sorry, the bridge.

Ten minutes later Jimdrick, Nick, David, Will and Zoe hurried in. "The others be coming back already!" Jimdrick said despairingly. "`Tis nay good! We`ll nere get away without them followin' us!"

"They're on their way back? How far away?" Bonny Anne said.

"About ten kliks, I would guess from the scanner," Zoe replied. She and Will were still confused as to exactly what was going on, but almost anything was better than being held hostage.

"Well, at least we can get a start on them," Bonny Anne said grimly. "Nay second thoughts?" No one spoke, even Jimdrick who seemed the most nervous and on edge. "Then prepare fer lift off."

The ship began to shake, then shot suddenly upwards.

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 3, part 4.

At the direction of the young woman Ruth had observed earlier talking with Argent and the old quartermistress, the Earth-dwellers were taken upstairs and locked in their dressing rooms. There they sat, worried, confused, afraid, staring at nothing and occasionally trying to talk about something to take their mind off things. But it didn't work.

Then there was the tramp of feet in the corridor outside and they were all herded into the green room, men as well as women. The pirates checked that the door to the shuttle bay- the lift, they had once thought- was locked and then they withdrew to the corridor outside the doors. The young woman Argent had addressed as Anne remained, and behind her stood the young man Ruth had noticed yesterday.

"Sit down," Anne said. They did as they were told. "My name be Bonny Anne, Queen Argent`s first officer an', incidentally, her daughter. This be Jimdrick, our apprentice. I know what ye`re thinkin', that he`s a man an' we only take women aboard. Thar be...a bit o' a misunderstanding."

"My nurse- she`s Queen Argent`s quartermistress now, Ruthless Rachel, an' I be th' only survivors on a spaceship th' pirate queen took, oh, fifteen or more years ago when she be jus' startin' ou' in th' piracy business," Jimdrick said. "She took th' option o' joinin' th' crew rather than death, an' t' save me life, she pretended that I be a girl, her daughter. So th' queen let us stay, an' we became part o' th' crew."

"My mother be lookin' fer someone t' look after me, what wi' all th' piratin' nay bein' conducive t' good mothering," Bonny Anne added. "I think she liked th' idea thar would be another child fer me t' play with."

"But when me voice started t' break, an' me beard started growin', they realised what had happened. Queen Argent be so angry she nearly killed us both. But by then I`d been formally apprenticed t' them. So she decided that rather than kill me, 't would be a worse punishment never to release me from th' apprenticeship, never to let me qualify as a full crewmember, never to let me leave. I be stuck here, part o' Argent`s crew, as good as a prisoner, nay hope, nay life o' me own."

"She can be cruel, can me mother," Bonny Anne agreed. "That`s what ye`ve got t' expect if ye join up. She`s more cruel than any other pirate cap'n- crueler than Greenbeard, or Cap`n Quartz, or th' Dread Pirate Bobby. Maybe because she`s a woman, an' men dasn't expect 't o' a lass, but we can be crueler than men if they let us. An' thar`s nay one t' stop her."

"Why is she so cruel?" asked Rachel. "Why did she become a pirate?"

"And why are there only women in her crew?" Charlotte added.

"`Tis all part o' th' one story," Bonny Anne said. "When she be young- about sixteen- her father tried t' marry her off t' some rich young man. But she spake she wouldna be havin' 't. Th' suitor came an' tried t' convince her t' marry him, but she be adamant. So eventually he got mad an' raped her. She told her father, but hejus' spake that now she`d be havin' t' marry th' rich man.

"So she ran away from home an' stowed away on a spaceship goin' t' th' same planetary system we`re headin' fer now, Caribbeana Minor. Thar she stowed away on another ship, but found ou' too late that 't be a pirate ship, under command o' Cap`n Jacques Swallow. Well, when he found th' lass', he took pity on her an' taught her th' trade. But one night when they all be drunk he took advantage o' her, then when she found that she be pregnant he denied 't be his an' tried t' kill her. Well, he`d trained her too well, an' 't be her that killed him. She ordered all th' men off th' ship, an' vowed that from then on she`d only voyage wi' lasses.

"It took a while t' earn her reputation, but now she`s th' most feared swashbuckler in th' Galaxy, an' that`s nay mean claim. Thar`s a strict code that governs how th' ship be run; nay men on board 'ceptin' prisoners, nay romantic liaisons wi' men, all th' crew be havin' t' forswear mankind, on accoun' o' they only create trouble. All her pirates be true t' her, true t' th' code, an' true t' one another. Break th' code, an' if ye`re lucky ye`ll walk th' plank. I say lucky, on accoun' o' thar be things Queen Argent`ll do that be worse than death."

"You may lay to that," said Jimdrick.

"What do you mean, walk the plank?" Tom asked.

"Pushed ou' into space, unprotected. Do ye know how long 't takes t' die in a vacuum?" The listeners shuddered. "Or ye might be keel hauled, thrown ou' into space on a line. Ye may be pulled back in before ye die...or ye may nay. Or if ye`re really lucky, ye could be marooned- left alone on a deserted planet wi' nay way o' escape an' only a little food. An' one shot in yer laser gun..."

No one said anything. "That`s what will happen if thar`s any trouble," Bonny Anne said. "Now, I be assumin' none o' ye ha' been t' space before? Ye dasn't know how th' ship works?" They shook their heads. "Then I dasn't be seein' that ye`ll be any trouble. I`ll be havin' th' doors at either end o' this corridor locked, so ye can move about. I be nay as cruel as me mother." She smiled at them. "Tomorrow we`ll land atSindia West, along wi' me mother`s ship, th' Amazon. Thar`s somethin' thar we want t' collect." She and Jimdrick exchanged a knowing look, then left the room.

The others looked at each other. "I'm not sure she is less cruel," Ernest said. "She's clever, and knows that you can control people by fear as well as pain."

"Shh," Emma quietened him, as Jimdrick came back into the room with a box of food.

"Ye needn`t be afeared o' me," Jimdrick said. "I be nay fan o' Queen Argent`s. Ye`ve heard me story. If 't wasn`t fer Anne I`d try t' escape, I wouldna e'en care if Argent found ou' an' killed me."

"If it wasn't for Anne?" Emma asked.

"I love her," Jimdrick said sadly. "She`s me captain`s daughter, an' I love her. But I daren`t speak t' her about 't. E'en if Anne could possibly love me in return, how could I put her life in danger by speakin'? If Argent got t' hear...she`d kill me, an' maybe Anne too. An' if Anne didna love me...she`d tell Argent, an' then I would die but I wouldna care. Without Anne, life be worthless." He put the box down and left.

"Poor lad," Agnes said.

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 3, part 3.

The Queen was a tall woman, not skinny but not fat. She held herself up regally and strode confidently into the foyer. She wore clothes that were definitely feminine in shape and style, but that didn't hamper her movements. Over a red knee-length tunic and black tights she wore a long tail-coat, black with silver edging and decoration on the cuffs, collar, lapels and hem. Her hair was long, and was pinned up on her head in an outlandish, carefree fashion which only accentuated her fierceness.

She was followed by her crew. Ruth and the others noticed with surprise that they were all women, dressed similarly to Argent, only less flamboyant and perhaps less fierce. Except for one. Last on board, and with an expression of put-upon, down-trodden depression, was a young man, about their own age. At first glance it was hard to tell that he was any different to the others, for he too wore the tunic and tail-coat, although in his case it seemed that he had outgrown his clothes. He also had long hair, although his seemed to have escaped its pins and cascaded down his back- or rather, in the absence of gravity, floated about at all angles. It was the long, untidy beard that gave him away.

"Who be th' captain?" demanded Queen Argent. " An' be quick about it."

Will reluctantly stepped forward, casting scared looks at Zoe. "I am," he said.

Queen Argent looked at him. "You're rather young fer command, aren't ye? Where's yer first officer?"

"That would be me," Zoe said, stepping forward.

"You`ll show me quartermistress here round th' ship, an' dasn't ye go tryin' t' hide anythin' from us, we`ll find 't anyway. 't jus' saves time."

A stout- that was the polite way to put it- woman who looked somewhat older than the rest and whose tunic was somewhat longer stepped forward, took Zoe by the arm and with a couple of the other pirates set off up the steps to the auditorium.

The Queen turned to Will. "You will give me th' names an' homeport planets o' all yer crew an' passengers."

Explaining the situation took some time. The pirates seemed quite excited to hear that nearly all of their captives were from Earth, a planet they knew very little about, apart from the Queen who remained unimpressed. Zoe and Will had explained that many of the civilisations across the galaxy looked on Earth in much the same way the nineteenth century empire-builders of Europe had looked on people in more 'backward' parts of the world- as quaint, unspoilt, primitive cultures inhabited by natives who were likened to children in their ways of living. They crowded round, almost as if the G&Sers were exhibits at a zoo. A taste of what was to come if they ever reached Bognor, Ruth thought gloomily.

The pirates were less thrilled to discover the ship's port of origin.

"You be Bognorians?" Argent demanded.

"My sister and I, yes."

"Your names? Clan?"

"Rawerkj and Jegsdda Rdircahpaerrds." Will looked up at the queen. "Of the royal clan. Our father is King Fafkhrkj of Bognor."

"Ye`re th' king`s children? His heirs?" The Queen looked interested for the first time. "Well now, that could be interestin'...ye know he`s ill?"

"What? No, we didn't. Badly ill?" Will sounded anxious.

"Oh, aye." She smiled. "I be sure his people would be horified t' hear that his children an' heirs had fallen into th' hands o' th' Pirate Queen. Especially after our run-in wi' yer ships not so long ago. Dasn't ye think they would be most distressed? Willin' t' pay any amount- an' smartly- t' get them home safely?"

"I couldn't possibly comment," Will replied. He appeared shaken by the Queen's news. Sarah moved forward, and took his hand.

The Queen turned away thoughtfully. The quartermistress reappeared with Zoe, and began talking to the Queen in a low voice. Another pirate, much younger than Argent but with some similarities in appearance joined them. Will told Zoe the news, and she too was upset. "But at least it might get us released quicker," she said. "The Queen's right, they'll pay anything to get us back if dad's really ill."

"What about us?" Sarah asked.

"That depends on her," Will said, turning to look at Argent.

At that moment the Queen and her advisor appeared to come to a decision. She indicated Will and Zoe, and two pirates moved forward and grabbed their arms, twisting them behind their backs.

"You`ll be held t' ransom, an' I expect a pretty penny or two fer th' pair o' ye," Argent said. "Take them away." The pirates forcibly marched them into the airlock and into shuttles, ready to transport back to the pirate ship.

"As fer th' rest o' ye, ye may be interestin' curiosities but I doubt anyone'll pay our prices t' ransom you." Their hearts sank. What was to be their fate?

"All th' men on that side, all th' lasses o'er there," Argent directed. They obeyed, fearful.

"Now, I be a generous lass," the Queen said to the women, ignoring the men, "I dasn't like killin' fer killing`s sake. But ye`re nay use t' us as prisoners. So I`ll give ye a choice. We`re always willin' t' take on new crew. We only take lasses, an' only them who be willin' t' abide by our Code. O'er th' next few days ye`ll learn about our Code, ye`ll find ou' what we do. Then ye can choose: join us, or when we next touch at a slave market ye`ll be sold as cheap labour. `Tis a hard life, an' most only survive a voyage or so. In other words, join us, or die. Piracy's nay a bad life. An' contrasted wi' respectability, 'tis comparatively honest. Th' Galactic Trade Organisation be corrupt t' th' core."

She turned to the men. "For ye, thar`s nay choice. `Tis th' slave market fer ye. Any trouble, an' in fine buccanneer tradition ye`ll walk th' plank, ou' into space."

"That goes fer all o' you," she said, turning back to the women. "We dasn't tolerate mutiny in this ship`s company. Ye join, an' ye sign up t' obey me orders, an' I dasn't give second chances. Fer I am a Pirate Queen!"

"You are!" the pirates chorused. "Hurrah fer th' Pirate Queen!"

"An' 'tis a glorious thin' t' be a Pirate Queen," Argent said. She turned to return to her own ship. "Anne, lock them up an' keep them safe. An' be seein' that them lasses learn our ways."

The story continues...
Translation provided by http://www.syddware.com/cgi-bin/pirate.pl

Hilarity Ensues Episode 3, part 2.

Will pushed a lever and pushed some buttons. The ship accelerated off on a new course.

"Pirates?" asked Rachel, incredulously. "In space?"

"Why not?" said Ernest.

Zoe interrupted them. "My watch, come with me to man the defence systems." She led the way up the steps and those who were in her watch followed as fast as they could.

"Is there anything the rest of us can do?" asked David.

"You and Nick strap yourselves in and take over the control desk," Will said. "Follow my instructions and do exactly what I tell you. We might have to do some tricky maneuvering to get out of this. Tom, keep an eye on those monitors over there. Tell me if the levels start dropping. The rest of you, keep a look out on all sides and standby to repel borders if they get through the airlock."

"But what do the pirates want?" Rachel asked.

"This part of the galaxy is poor, and there's not much security, no police or effective anti-piracy action," Will said. "Pirates flourish here, preying on the ships that pass through to trade. They'll take anything on board that's useful to them- spare parts, trade goods, money of course, and prisoners to ransom."

"A sort of galactic equivalent of Somalia," said Patrick.

"If it wasn't for the fact that our main sonic cannon has been turned into a work of modern art outside Wentworth College, we'd be fine. They'd never dare attack us if we still had that. But now...we're in real danger."

Zoe's voice crackled over the communications system. "All ready at our posts," she said. "But honestly, Will, I don't think we've got much chance."

"We've got to try," Will replied. "Good luck everyone."

By now their opponents were coming into view behind them, chasing. Ruth and the others looked back.

"They're catching us up," she said quietly. The enemy ship was getting larger. Painted on its side was a burning rocket, and beside that a black area with a skull and crossbones. It seemed this was the universal symbol of piracy. But the paint on the skull and bones wasn't white. It appeared to shimmer, like silver.

"Oh no," said Will quietly.

"What?" asked Zoe anxiously, over the comms.

"We've got no chance," he said. "Not just pirates, but the worst pirates of all- the pirate queen!"

"Pirate Queen?" Agnes said incredulously.

Zoe swore. "Well, I'm not giving up without a fight," she said. "Open fire!"

The automated guns mounted on the balcony outside the ship burst into action. Ruth and the others watching saw the cloud of weaponry reach the other ship and burst across its surface. Yet when they were able to see clearly again there was little damage visible, some scratched paintwork and a few tiny pits in the metal surface.

Then Ruth saw one of the guns on the other ship moving. "I think they're getting ready to fire," she said, sounding more calm than she felt.

"Hold on, everyone," said Will. There was a last moment or two of peace, then the ship rocked violently, as if something had hit it, but no missile was visible.

"Sonic cannon," Will said, reaching for some controls.

"Any damage?" came Zoe's voice over the comms.

"It doesn't look like it," Will replied, studying a screen. "Nothing major as yet. But we can't take many more hits like that before the atmospheric shield's at risk."

"Returning fire," she said, and again their weapons burst into life. But they were no match for the other ship's bigger cannon.

"It's no good," Will said. "We can't get away and we can't hit back. We've got to surrender. Once the shield's down we'll suffocate!"

The others were exchanging looks of horror and fear.

"Isn't there anything..." Adam began.

"No. It's no good."

A loud voice came through over the comms. "This is Argent, Pirate Queen, feared for light years around. You have no choice. Surrender yourselves and your ship now, or you will regret it!"

"She speaks English?" Rachel said, incredulously.

"That's hardly the most pressing point, is it?" Will snapped. "Zoe, we've got no choice. I'm going to surrender."

"I suppose you're right," Zoe said. "I've scratched some of the silver paint off her skull, anyway. I suppose that's the best we can do, missing our cannon."

Will turned a dial in front of him, and spoke into the microphone in the computer. "This is Rawerkj Rdircahpaerrds, currently captain of the ship Hilarity. We surrender."

"I'm sorry," he said to the others, looking around.

"It's not your fault," Ruth said. She wondered why she felt pity for him- it was he who had kidnapped them and got them here. Really, it was his fault they were there. I'm just too nice, she thought.

"What will they do with us?" Tom asked. Will shrugged.

"Keep us for ransom, I guess. It depends what mood the Queen's in. When she's mad...there are stories. Ships that put up a fight and she killed the whole crew, other ships that put up such a good fight that she set them free as a mark of respect. Ships that surrendered, and everyone survived, ships that surrendered and no one survived. It all depends on what she feels like- and how much she can ransom her prisoners for. You guys are rarities, genuine Earth-dwellers, so she could claim a lot for you, but will she think anyone will pay it? I don't know."

"And you and Zoe? I suppose as royalty you'll be fine," Adam said. Will shrugged again.

"She can ask a high price for us, it's true, but some ships from our world nearly destroyed her last year. She may decide that revenge is sweeter than cash."

Zoe's watch had made their way back to the bridge now. Everyone stood around, watching as shuttles left the pirate craft and made their way across. They docked, and the first pirates emerged into the airlock.

"She's come herself," muttered Zoe. Everyone shrank towards the back of the bridge as the doors opened and the Queen entered Central Hall.

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 3, part 1.

A pirate, horror!

Ruth awoke. After two nights in the hammock she was starting to get used to it, although having no day or night made it difficult to sleep. She supposed she'd get used to that too eventually. Although she was still worried about what her family and friends back home would be thinking, now that she'd had time to think about it she was no longer as upset about leaving as she had been at first. Most of her friends were here, and for a while at least she was free of worries about jobs, money, housing, all the grown-up pressures that crowded in on everyday life at home. And she felt that she had very few people who would miss her, or who she would truly miss. Her parents, of course- she felt terrible that they wouldn't know what had happened, or that she was safe (well, at the moment); and a few other friends. Goodness knew how the authorities were treating the incident- the disappearance of a building as big as that and so many people without trace! But some of the others had left girl or boyfriends behind, and others were closer to friends and family outside the society than she was. "I guess I've been part of it so long that these are my closest friends, my community," she thought. "Although I can't say I'd have chosen to spend the rest of my life with them, unable to escape- and that seems entirely likely now."

Once everyone had settled down a bit and begun to resign themselves to their situation, Will and Zoe had allocated them into teams or watches to help with all the jobs that needed to be done to run the ship.

"We're a bit overcrowded," Zoe said. "We intended to bring back twenty-one specimens, which would have been quite enough, but then of course there were you two." She indicated Claire and Agnes, the two stowaways.

"It's not our fault," Claire said. "We didn't ask to be kidnapped!"

"So anyway," Will had said, trying to move the conversation on. "There will be two watches, one with Zoe in change and one with me. That means everybody gets some time off and some time on duty. We'll split you into smaller teams for particular jobs as necessary." He pinned the list to the noticeboard in the green room, and everyone crowded round to see who they were with.

"Also," Will continued, picking up a bag that he had brought with him, "You will all be given one of these bracelets, and you should wear it at all times around the ship, as far as possible. It's got a communication device so you can speak to each other wherever you are and your watch leader can speak to you. We'll show you how to use it, but it's fairly simple- a bit like a mobile phone. It also links to the teleport system, but since that's broken it really doesn't matter if you don't know how to use it."

"You have a teleport?" Matt asked. "Where?"

"In the green room," Zoe said. "But it's been broken for months. The wretched Estates department at the university kept saying they'd supply the parts needed, but they never did..."

"That sounds like Estates," replied David.

Ruth had found herself in Will's watch, along with Tom, Patrick, Adam, the two stowaways, Charlotte, Emily, Rachel, Sarah, David and Nick. The girls were to sleep in one of the two dressing rooms which had always been used by the girls, with the girls in the other watch occupying the other, while the boys did the same with the two men's dressing rooms. Although, Ruth though, things would probably not stay segregated for long, knowing this lot. Will and Zoe apparently had their own little cabins, tucked away at the side of the building.

Being something of a mother figure, she kept an eye on the others in her watch. Many of them were unusually quiet at the moment, unsurprisingly, even Rachel, who was usually quite a chatterbox. Emily was the youngest there, a first year who hadn't been in the society long. Ruth had spent some time talking to her and Charlotte, who was one of the older people there, although she too was relatively new to the society. Adam had sat and talked with them too, or rather he had listened most of the time as was quite a quiet person. Claire had sat- or floated- for a long time that first day beside a window, looking back at earth with her head resting on her hands. Ruth wished there was something she could do to help her, but as so often she didn't know what to say. She wanted to give Claire and all the others who were hurting a big hug, and tell them that things would be alright, but she couldn't. Things weren't alright.

And it seemed they were soon to be even less alright. She emerged, cautiously from her sleeping bag-come-hammock and washed- something else that took some getting used to in zero gravity- and with some of the others went in search of Will, to find out what they should be doing. They had just reached the steps down into the foyer- or the bridge, as she was starting to think of it- when an alarm rang out around the building.

"Everyone to the foyer, everyone to the foyer," came Zoe's voice over the speaker. She sounded worried, afraid. They hurried down the steps to find Will and Zoe at the controls and a few of the other watch standing around a screen, looking worried.

"What is it?" Charlotte asked.

"Pirates!" Will answered.

The story continues...