Coming up...

More adventures of the crew of the Hilarity. Including:

Fire
Ice
Zombie robots
A heavy dragoon
To flirt is capital

Coming soon!
(Once I've got round to writing it and not being distracted by later bits of the story!)

Hilarity Ensues Episode 4, part 5

But the best laid plans of mice and men- or other humanoids- often go astray. The next morning they were woken early by the ship repairers to be told that the job would take at least another day. Zoe was furious.

"A simple job like that- it's taking far too long. And the quality certainly doesn't make up for it."

"That's what you get if you use cowboy builders," Patrick muttered. Ruth sighed.

"Even kidnapping and space travel haven't quenched your appetite for bad puns, have they?" she said. He giggled.

"Look, there's Jimdrick," Rob, one of the other men from the cast, said.

"He looks upset," Agnes said. "Let's go and see what's up."

They left the ship and went over to him, leaving Will to try and calm Zoe down. She's angry because she's afraid of what might happen to her father, Ruth thought. Well, I feel sorry for them both, but if they hadn't come to kidnap us in the first place...

"I'm so glad you're still here," Jimdrick said as they came up to him. "Please- can't you help me? It's the curse- they are coming for me!"

He was in a terrible state of nerves, shaking all over and looking round anxiously. For a former pirate it was pitiful and surprising. "You've faced death and fighting many times," Rob said. "What is it about this curse that's so much worse than that?"

"They appeared to me- the ghosts! My father- his father- and all my ancestors. In the night, when I was alone, suddenly something cold touched me and I woke up, and they were there! They looked like holograms, but there was something more to them- something worse! They said I hadn't done my crime that day- that now I knew about the curse I was subject to their attentions. I said I wouldn't obey them, that I was not going to commit crimes to please them, but they tortured me- oh, such pain! I couldn't bear it. I begged them to stop- to give me time to decide. They gave me twenty three hours to decide."

"Twenty three?" Tom said. "Oh, of course, that's the length of the days here..."

"Please, you've got to help me," Jimdrick begged. "Everyone else is too scared of the curse, but you aren't. Please, can you help?"

The travellers looked at each other. "Well," Tom said eventually. "I don't know how, but we'll do our best."

"What are the exact terms of the curse?" Ernest asked.

"Just that I must do a crime every day," Jimdrick said.

"They don't say what sort of crime?" Agnes asked.

"No, just a crime- any crime." Everyone was quiet. Suddenly Patrick was struck by an idea.

"Ah! That could be it," he said excitedly. "Yes. I think I may have the solution."


It was late that evening, and some of the G&Sers were sitting around at Anne and Jimdrick's new home, waiting for the ghosts to turn up. Jimdrick was nervous, and so, they were surprised to see, was Anne.

"Suppose it doesn't work?" she said.

"Then I will have the choice, to commit a crime a day, or to die," he replied. "And...I don't know what I'll choose. I'd rather die that live a life as the slave of this curse- but I don't know if I have the courage to go through that torment." Anne took his hand and held it tightly.

"And what about me?" she said.

"I'm sorry," he replied.

Suddenly the air seemed to change, to thicken. A strange low humming noise filled the room. Jimdrick went white.

"It's them," he cried. "They have come for me!" He fell to his knees, covering his face with his hands. "Mercy! Mercy, my ancestors! Remember the day when you could bear this hideous life no longer, and pity me now!"

In the air around Jimdrick appeared seven shapes, some male, some female. To begin with they were flickery, transparent and monochrome, but their solidity and steadiness grew and colour ran like as wave across a beach, filling their bodies as the tide fills a rock pool.

"Cease this snivelling," commanded one of the holograms, that of a burly man in middle age. "I thought you were supposed to be a pirate, a man of courage, not some mouse-like wretch!"

"I was a pirate, but only against my will," Jimdrick managed to speak. "I am a pirate no longer, and I will not be a criminal. I refuse! I would sooner die!"

"Ah, but can you stand the pain, you pathetic creature?" the spectre asked, and reached out his hand towards the cowering Jimdrick. Jimdrick gasped, and writhed in agony. The other ghosts laughed, terrible cackles, totally without pity.

"Just a moment," said Ernest, stepping forward. The holograms turned their attention to him, leaving Jimdrick, for the moment, to Bonny Anne who bent down to comfort him.

"To fulfil the criteria of this curse he has to commit a crime, yes?" Ernest asked the holograms.

"Yes, that is what the curse says," the leading spectre answered.

"But what is a crime?" asked Patrick the philosopher. "I mean, how do you define crime?"

The ghosts looked at each other. "Well, it's obvious, isn't it," said one, shuffling its opaque feet. "It's something that's wrong, isn't it?"

"Ahh, but what do you mean by wrong?" Rob said.

"Well, I...I don't know," the lead hologram replied, somewhat confused. He looked at the others. "Any ideas, chaps?"

"Well, it's something that isn't right," one of the others said.

"Something bad," said another.

"But what do you mean by bad? What moral code are you using to define right and wrong?" Patrick asked.

"What?"

"I mean, how do you know what's right and what's wrong? How do you know what is a crime?"

"Well, it's obvious, it's something that's against the law...isn't it?"

"Well, no, not really," Ernest said. "This planet is pretty lawless. Whose law do you judge him against? Different places have different ideas of right and wrong. So a crime elsewhere may not be a crime here, and a crime here may be something you don't recognise as wrong. So how will you tell?"

"What we're saying," Patrick said, "is that it's impossible for you to define good and bad. You'd agree with that?"

"Well, I suppose so, after what you've said," the leader replied, looking round at the others.

"It seems reasonable," another said.

"At first sight it does," said a third.

"Fallacy somewhere, I fancy," said the hologram of a woman, who looked rather more intelligent than the others.

"Oh, you're never satisfied," the leader said to her.

"Well then," Rob continued, "If you can't do that, you can't decide what a crime is, can you?"

"Well, no," the leader said.

"Fallacy somewhere," the female hologram muttered.

"Then how can you decide whether he's committed a crime or not?" Ernest asked triumphantly. The holograms looked at one another, stumped.

"It's a paradox," said Patrick. "You cannot say he has committed a crime since it is impossible for you to define a crime. Therefore, by the very terms of the curse- that's you- Jimdrick must commit a crime a day, and yet cannot commit a crime a day. A most ingenious paradox."

"A paradox," the leader said. "I...I do not understand. He must fulfil the curse- he cannot fulfil the curse- it is impossible! We are defeated- the curse is broken!" There was a bang and a flash of many-coloured light that made the travellers close their eyes. When they opened them again, the holograms had disappeared. A last wail of "fallacy somewhere!" drifted back to their ears, then there was nothing more.

The next morning the travellers again stood in the sheriff's office. This time the wedding had no interruptions, no unwanted visitors or startling revelations. Queen Argent and her pirates, the sheriff said, were safely in prison in the planet's capital, awaiting trial. It seemed that they would be there for some time.

And the Hilarity was ready to take off. As soon as the ceremony was over the travellers said goodbye to Bonny Anne and Jimdrick, knowing that it was unlikely that they would meet again.

"Thank you so much," Jimdrick said. "If it wasn't for you none of this would have happened."

"And if it wasn't for you we'd still be prisoners- or slaves, or dead," Emma said. "Thank you."

And if it wasn't for Will and Zoe we'd never have been captured in the first place, Ruth thought, as they made their way back to the spaceport and went aboard their ship. She wondered how many more adventures they would have before they got home- if they ever did.

"Do you actually believe all that, about not being able to define good and bad?" she asked Patrick as they stood watching Zoe and Will make preparations for lift off. "Rather amoral, don't you think? It could be used to excuse anything."

"I'm not sure," he said. "Only partly. Like the hologram said, it feels like there's a fallacy somewhere. But it worked on the curse."

"Just as well," she said, as the ship lifted into the sky and the planet and the pirates were left behind them.


The story continues in Episode 5.

Hilarity Ensues Episode 4, part 4

The other pirates copied their leader. Bonny Anne reached, as if to draw her own weapon to defend herself, but realised she didn't have one in her wedding dress. Nevertheless, she stood up to her mother boldly. Jimdrick stood beside her, still reeling from the shock. The G&Sers shrank back, afraid. But the sheriff stepped between the Queen and her daughter, calling loudly for his deputies, who came hurrying in and surrounded the Queen, Ruthless Rachel and the rest of the pirates.

The Queen fired, and a deputy fell back. "Oh no you don't," the sheriff said, and was on her before she could fire again, grabbing her weapon. The pirates fought fiercely with their bare hands, and it seemed to be a close thing to decide who would win. Then Bonny Anne, despite the fact that her long white dress was not the ideal garment for fighting, plunged in and knocked her mother to the ground.

The travellers tried to shelter behind the furniture at the end of the room.

"What are we going to do?" Agnes asked.

"Leave them to it," Ernest said.

"But we can't just do nothing! What if the pirates win? They'll take us prisoner again," Zoe said. "I'm going to help the sheriff's deputies." She stood up and threw herself into the fray. Several others joined her, among them Matt, Ben, Natalie and Marie.

Ruth looked out, uncertain what to do. She agreed with Zoe and wanted to help Anne and the others, but she was afraid. She knew she was not much use as a fighter, and was afraid of getting hurt. She took an uncertain step or two towards the melee. A bolt from somebody's weapon, fired at random, zipped over her head and she ducked down behind a chair. That was it. She stayed there.

Jimdrick stood there, still in shock. At his feet, Anne struggled to hold her mother down. The sheriff was struggling with Ruthless Rachel. Argent had got her hands round her daughter's throat and was throttling her, even as Anne fought back. Her frightened eyes looked up at Jimdrick.

Suddenly, with a terrible cry, he threw himself into the battle. He crashed down on Argent, knocking the breath out of her and making her let go of Anne, who rolled away, choking, to rise up and grab the Pirate Queen's arms and bend them behind her back. At the same time the sheriff had overcome Ruthless Rachel, and the sheriff's deputies were getting the better of the other pirates.

It was all over. The pirates were tied up and taken away. Bonny Anne and Jimdrick hugged one another as Argent and the others were marched off to the jail house.

"Remember th' curse, Jimdrick Gurtramoyd," the Ex-Pirate Queen cried as she was marched out of the door. "Ye cannot escape th' curse."

Feeling slightly ashamed, Ruth and the others came out of hiding. There was blood down Bonny Anne's dress, and Jimdrick's suit was torn beyond repair. Zoe had a cut on her forehead which was bleeding a bit, but no one seemed seriously hurt.

The sheriff came back in. "All safely locked up, and I've sent a party to find and capture their ship," he said. He looked at the bride and groom. "Did you wish to continue the wedding ceremony?"

The couple looked at each other. Jimdrick shook his head.

"No," he said. "For if what she said is true I cannot, cannot marry you. It wouldn't be fair to you, to make you go through that." He turned away from her.

"But...we've got to," Bonny Anne said. "Otherwise we can't take the land claim. Jimdy, this doesn't change anything. I still love you." He turned back to her.

"We both need to think about this," he said. "Can we postpone the wedding- at least for a day or two?"

"Perhaps that's wise," the sheriff agreed.

"Well...alright then," Bonny Anne said. "But I will marry you."


"What is he scared of?" Nick asked on the way back to the ship. "I mean, a curse- surely that's not real?"

"Out here, anything could be real," Ernest said. "I mean, a few days ago I guess none of us thought there was extra-terrestrial life- or at least, not like this."

Will nodded. "It could be a hyper-intelligent computer programme- like a virus, only worse."

"Sounds more like a genetic misadventure function," Zoe said.

"But if it's just some kind of technological thing- I mean, not supernatural or anything- isn't there some way of getting rid of it, of curing it?" Tom asked.

"I didn't say it wasn't supernatural," Will said. "Why does it have to be one thing or the other? You Earth-dwellers, you do limit things so!"

The others looked at one another, confused. "But even so," said David, "surely there's something we can do?" Will and Zoe looked at one another and shrugged.

"Not our problem really," Will said.

"Tomorrow the ship will be ready, and we can leave," Zoe said. "We've got to get home."

"But what about Jimdrick, and Anne? They saved our lives!"

"They'll be alright," Will said, somewhat uneasily.



The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 4, part 3.

It was two days later, and the G&Sers stood around the small, rough-walled, tin-roofed building that was the sheriff's office of the town. In the centre, in front of the sheriff, stood Bonny Anne, looking surprisingly lovely in a long white dress- it seemed some things were the same wherever in the galaxy you went- while Jimdrick looked rather handsome in a black and white suit. Having worn the same clothes as the women on Queen Argent's ship for many years, he was finding it strange to cope with trousers, but he was starting to get the hang of it.

The marriage service, from what they had been told, was relatively simple, consisting mostly of promises to each other and a declaration that they understood the legal bond that was being formed between them. It was about to start.

The G&Sers had caused rather a stir in the out-of-the way town. Melting-pot of cultures as it was, no one had ever seen Earth-dwelling humans before. It had been rather embarrassing, actually, once word had got out and a small crown of onlookers had happened to hang around the spaceport, or when they walked down the street and heads had turned. Perhaps as a reaction to this they had done their best to look smart for the wedding- the men in the suits they had been wearing for the first act of The Mikado, the women in the white blouses they had worn in the first act and the black trousers they had worn under their kimonos in act two. Even the two stowaways had borrowed clothes that the cast members who had avoided kidnap had left behind. They looked quite smart, if somewhat uniform. They had been rehearsing earlier and now they formed themselves into a choir ready to sing.

"When the buds are blossoming, smiling welcome to the spring..." they began. It was a piece from the show they had done the year before, hastily taught to those who hadn't been there by David, the musical director.

"Spring and summer pleasure you, autumn aye, and winter too, every season has its' cheer, life is lovely all the year," they finished, almost all in tune and almost all in time. "Falalalala la la la, la, la!" Everyone turned back to the sheriff as he opened his mouth to continue the ceremony. Then his eyes widened in shock and horror.

"Your revels cease!" came a loud, authoritative voice from the back of the room. A horribly familiar voice. They all turned to look. Queen Argent was striding towards them. Bonny Anne and Jimdrick looked at each other, horrified. Jimdrick looked terrified as well, but Anne was more angry than afraid, squaring up to her mother.

"Hold, bride an' bridegroom, before ye wed each other," Argent said. "There be certain secrets that th' bride dasn't know about th' groom."

"Secrets?" said Bonny Anne. She looked at Jimdrick. He shook his head. "I...can't think...there's nothing you don't know..."

Anne rounded on her mother. "You're just lying to try to stop me. Well, you can't."

"I be nay tellin' tales," Argent said. "Just ye listen t' what Ruthless Rachel here has t' say."

The quartermistress came forward. "He dasn't know himself," she said. "Only I know th' secret o' his family history, an' I`ve kept 't quiet since Queen Argent rescued us. But when ye`d gone, an' we landed fer repairs in a town nay so far away an' heard what ye be up t', I decided 't be time t' tell th' tale."

"And what tale's that?" Bonny Anne demanded.

Ruthless Rachel turned to Jimdrick. "I loved ye. I saved yer life, an' now ye betray me," she said. "Well, this be me revenge. Th' story o' yer parenthood. Yer father be nay jus' some ordinary ship`s pilot, as ye`ve always believed. He be a terrible, tortured soul, known only as Th' Baron. He be under a terrible curse, a curse that condemned him t' do a crime a day, or t' die in agony. He became a pirate, in th' end."

"A pirate!" Jimdrick explained. "But...no...surely not! I've always hated piracy, and longed to leave it behind me- and now I learn my father was a pirate!"

"Aye, he were," Ruthless Rachel continued. "But he were a useless one. He`d nay attack ships weaker than his own, an' when he attacked stronger ones he were always defeated. But he committed his crime a day by merely bein' a pirate, an' in a fairly harmless way. But he hated havin' t' obey th' curse, an' one day't all became too much- he refused, said he be goin' t' give up piracy, an' set a course fer th' nearest civilised planet. He went int' his cabin. But then we heard screamin', an' yer mother opened th' door an' he fell ou', writhin' in pain, shoutin' that th' holograms o' his ancestors had murdered him. He died, an' his crew fell t' fightin' among they's self until thar be none left. E'en yer mother were killed. I hid wi' ye until th' fightin' were over, an' then th' Queen heard th' distress call I sent ou', an' found us."

The others had been looking at each other in horror, especially Bonny Anne and Jimdrick.

"Well," said Anne, "Foul as your story is, it'll not stop our wedding."

"Ahh, but ye dasn't know th' worst yet," Queen Argent said.

"The curse be hereditary," Ruthless Rachel said. "`Tis inherited by th' eldest child o' th' family. An' that, me Jimdrick, be ye. Ye be now Th' Baron. Ye must commit a crime a day, or die in agony like yer father."

"No!" Jimdrick cried.

"Ye must, or ye'll die," Queen Argent said. "So ye may as well come back wi' us and be a pirate."

"I'd rather die than go back to that!" Jimdrick said heatedly.

"Then die ye shall," the Queen said, reaching for a weapon.


The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 4, part 2.

"Lasso!" Ruth shouted suddenly.

"What?" Bonny Anne asked.

"Use the scarf and lasso the...the thing to get it under control!" Ruth said excitedly.

"But..." Jimdrick began.

"Just try!" Anne shouted, grabbing the scarf and nearly strangling Tom, who couldn't untangle himself fast enough. Quickly she tied one end of it into a loop and began whirling it above her head. The scarf flapped disconsolately, with little resemblance to a rope lasso. She threw it. It fell between them and the creature, who reared up and snorted loudly. Then it continued its charge towards them.

"Damn different gravity strength," Anne said. She pulled the scarf in and quickly threw it again. This time it landed square on the creature's head. Immediately it stopped and began to toss its' head in an effort to get rid of it.

"Got it!" Jimdrick yelled, as Anne struggled to tighten the noose.

"It's slipping off," Tom shouted in panic.

"That's it," Anne said, as the noose slipped down and tightened around the animal's neck. "Now I've got you." She heaved on the scarf, Jimdrick helping her. The creature began to calm down as the noose began to strangle it.
"Now, walk away slowly," she said. The others did, creeping past the beast and moving away so that it was between them and the cliff edge.

"But how do we get away from it? As soon as we let it go it'll start chasing us again," Agnes said.

"Maybe he can help," said Patrick, pointing at the cowboy who had almost reached them. He had a rope in his hand and as he came closer he began whirling it around his head. The lasso dropped around the beast's neck.

"Alright ma'm, you can let go now," he said to Bonny Anne, who was very thankful to do so. She and Jimdrick joined the others, while the cowboy got down from his steed and crossed to the tethered beast, stroking it and calming it down. He removed Tom's scarf, and brought it over to the travellers.

"I hope you weren't hurt there," he said. "This lady here has always been a bit rough, like. Much obliged to you for stopping her." He handed the scarf back to Anne.

"Thank you, sir," she said. "We're all fine, I think."

"Why does everyone out here speak English?" Agnes muttered to Ruth. "Or at least, something like English?"

"What was you doing out here?" the cowboy asked. "Were you lost? Looking for some place?"

Bonny Anne gave the scarf back to Tom. It seemed to be fine and undamaged, if a bit longer than before. "Not really. My fiance and I were just looking for somewhere to live. We've decided to become settlers out here."

"Well now," said the cowboy. "A neighbor of mine is looking to sell his ranch, quite reasonable too. His house, animals and all his equipment, to pay his fare someplace else, since he says he can't stand this life any more. You want me to show you where he lives?"

Anne and Jimdrick looked at each other. "Well, yes please, if it's not out of your way," Jimdrick said. "It sounds ideal."

"It's just round the hill," the cowboy said. "Come you down into the valley and I'll take you."

"What about that- her?" said Tom, looking at the now-docile creature.

"Oh, she won't do you no harm now, not now's you've showed her who's boss. She'll come with us."

Round the side of the hill, in a little green valley was the ranch the cowboy had told them about. He pointed out the homestead to them, and they thanked him and headed off in it's direction. Bonny Anne and Jimdrick were both pleased with the look of the place.

"It's not too far from the town," Jimdrick said.

"And if we can take the place with all the tools and equipment and cattle, that'll be so much easier than starting from scratch," Bonny Anne added.

They went in to see the rancher, who had decided to leave when his wife had died and he couldn't cope on his own. A price was agreed- Anne and Jimdrick had plenty of money from their pirating days- a date for moving settled, and they shook hands on it. The travellers thanked the rancher, and turned to head back to town.

"So all we've got to do now is arrange the wedding," Bonny Anne said as they approached the ship. They entered the bridge. Will stood there talking to Zoe, looking glum.

"What's wrong?" asked Ruth.

"The repairs will take at least two days," Will said. "We're stuck here till then."

"We could leave without, and just hope..." Zoe began.

"No," Will said. "Not here. There's other pirates around besides Queen Argent. And besides, she's taken a pounding, and her systems aren't safe. We've got to wait."

"Is that so bad?" Jimdrick asked. "I mean...you can come to our wedding!" Will looked up.

"The Pirate Queen told us our father was ill," he said. "We're worried- we want to get home as quickly as we can."

So do we, thought Ruth. And we didn't want to leave in the first place. But we have no choice but to wait- and now it seems you don't either. Not that I'm not sorry for you, and the situation you're in, but what did you care about whether our parents might be ill, or might worry where we'd gone when you kidnapped us? I'm not going to say it serves you right, but there is an ironic side to the situation.

Zoe sighed. "We'll just have to be patient," she said.


The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 4, part 1.

A hideous curse

The next day they landed on a nearby planet which according to Bonny Anne was called Dodge 6. They landed at a spaceport, the first the G&Sers had seen. Their ship was surrounded by many others of different sizes, shapes and styles. Will started describing the good and bad points of them to some of the guys, while Zoe went off to arrange for repairs to the damage caused in their battles with the Pirate Queen.

Reassured that the atmosphere was ok for them, some of the G&Sers left the ship, and went for a walk with the happy couple.

"We're walking on an alien planet!" Agnes said to Ruth as they walked down the town's main street. "This is so weird!"

Dodge was a settlement planet, Bonny Anne explained. Previously uninhabited, it was in the process of being colonised by settlers from many different planets, a real melting pot of culture and people. It was apparently the perfect place for raising a strange type of cattle that were exported all over the galaxy for food. There was also the rumour of precious metals in the rocks deep underground, and many of the cattle farmers moonlighted as prospectors, and dreamed of becoming rich by finding a gold seam on their land-claim.

Over to one side as they walked through the newly-constructed town, a group of humanoids were standing in front of a fenced enclosure containing the cattle on which the town's economy had been built. They appeared to be arguing about prices. Ruth noticed that several of them were carrying weapons. Nearby, another building had not been completed yet, and builders were still at work- builders with six limbs rather than the usual four.

Anne and Jimdrick had decided to settle here. "We take a claim on a piece of land, start to farm it, raise some cattle and after a few years it becomes our own," Jimdrick said. "Some of the people round here are pretty tough, you have to be to make a living out here. There's not much in the way of law. They won't care about our past."

"There's just one thing," Anne said. "To take a claim together, we have to be married." The G&Sers looked at each other.

"Will you marry me?" Jimdrick asked Anne shyly.

"Of course!" she replied. The others found it hard not to laugh.

They walked out of the half-built town and into the deserted lands around. Before long the settlements had become sparse, and the cattle ranches were spread far apart. The landscape was wide and open, with gently sloping valleys. Areas of it were sandy and arid, while other areas closer to the valley bottoms were covered in a thick carpet of a green grass-like plant. This was where the cattle grazed.

They climbed up a gently slope to a ridge overlooking the town. "It looks like something out of a Wild West film," Agnes said. "I know what you mean," Patrick agreed. "Except for the spaceport, of course." Out to the side of the town they could see their ship. Jimdrick and Anne stood together, holding hands and gazing about the landscape, looking for a likely place to build their homestead.

As they stood there looking, they heard the thunder of hooves in the valley behind them. Turning, they saw a large herd of cattle being driven up the valley. A couple of rough-lookinghumanoids rode horse-like four-footed creatures behind them. But the cattle were not happy. One broke out of the herd and began to charge towards the group at the top of the hill.

"Uh oh," Ruth said.

"What do we do now?" asked Tom.

Bonny Anne and Jimdrick looked at each other. "I...I don't know," Jimdrick said.

"It's heading straight for us," Agnes said. Unconsciously they all took a step back. But behind them the edge of the ridge was sheer rock. There was no way down. In the valley below one of the cowboys had changed direction and was riding up the hill towards them, but he was far behind the terrifying creature that would soon have them pinned to the edge of the cliff.

"Can't we just run downhill? If we all spread out we might confuse it," Patrick said.

"It'll just get angrier," said Anne.

"And I can't run very well," Agnes said.

The enraged animal was now a few hundred metres away. It had slowed down, but was still headed inexorably towards them. The cowboy was still far behind. But there was something about the situation that was nagging at Ruth. Somehow it seemed...familiar...

"There's no way down the cliff," said Jimdrick, who had been examining it.

"Never thought I'd miss zero gravity," Patrick said.

Absentmindedly Tom had unwrapped and rewrapped his scarf from his neck. Agnes was watching him.

"Couldn't we use the scarf as a rope?" she asked excitedly.

"I don't know if it's strong enough," said Tom. "Besides there isn't enough time-"

The snorting creature was only a couple of hundred metres away now. Still something was trying to get Ruth's attention- but she couldn't think what...

"There's nothing we can do!" Tom shouted in despair as the beast advanced. Anne grasped Jimdrick's hand, and he put an arm around her. The others huddled together, watching as inevitable death came towards them.

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 3, part 6.

"They're taking off," Tom reported from the window where he was keeping a look out.

"Right then," said Bonny Anne. "If possible, we`ll run away from them. This ship o' yer has a good turn o' speed. But if 't comes to 't, we`ll be havin' t' fight' it out. Thar`s nay goin' back now, nay surrender. Th' Queen`ll kill us if she can lay hands on us."

"But the Amazon has better weapons than we do," Will said.

"You managed t' put up a fight against us when we first took ye, an' that`s more than many dare do," Bonny Anne said.

Anne and Zoe went round the ship, checking the weapons and stationing people to work them. Most were automated and controlled from what had been the technical box when the ship had been masquerading as a hall. Others were posted on lookout duty all round the hall with the duel purpose of reporting on the Amazon's movements and keeping an eye out for any damage that might be done to their own ship. Those left were stationed in the bridge, to help work the ship, and to stand by to repel boarders if the pirates tried a direct attack through the airlock.

Ruth stood by the airlock door, watching with a worrying sense of deja vu as the pirate ship began to catch up with them. Did they really have any chance of escaping? Or would they just end up as the latest victims of the Pirate Queen, another addition to the terror-inducing stories about her?

They had taken a chance, gambling their lives for freedom. But was it really freedom? Even if the best happened, they would still be prisoners in a way, prisoners of Will and Zoe. Granted, that was much better than being prisoners of the pirates. But there was still no guarantee that they would ever get back to Earth, that they would ever be really free.

"They're opening fire," Tom reported from nearby. She looked across and saw that it was true.

"Jimdy, open fire as they bear," Bonny Anne said into the communicator. She had taken charge of the ship, and as Queen Argent's weapons fired on them she and Will made the ship weave and dodge and avoided the worst of the hits. Meanwhile Jimdrick and Zoe, in command of the weapons deck upstairs, hit back at the pirates as hard as they could.

"Yes!" shouted Zoe through the communications system. "Direct hit on the sonic cannon!"

"That ought' ta put 't ou' o' use," Anne said. "Well done! That evens th' battle ou'."

The two ships went on firing at each other for some time. Under Bonny Anne's direction, the former prisoners fought their ship so well that neither side appeared to be gaining the upper hand.

"Stalemate," Bonny Anne said, as the two ships continued to weave and dodge and shoot through space.

"The Queen will nere admit defeat," Jimdrick said. "We canna keep this up for ever."

"You know th' boy's right," came another voice, the voice of Queen Argent herself. She had hacked her communications unit through to the Hilarity's. "Surrender, Anne, ye treacherous swine o' a lass, an' maybe I`ll show ye some mercy an' nay make yer death too long drawn ou'!"

"Surrender t' ye? Never!" Bonny Anne shouted in response. She turned a switch and the ship shot off into space. But the pirates were close behind, firing as fast as ever. There was no way of escaping or leaving them behind.

Bonny Anne turned off the communications unit, so her mother could not hear, then turned to Nick who was standing nearby. "Go an' tell Jimdy t' be seein' if he can get a shot into the'r engines," she said. "We've got t' slow them down."

Nick was quickly back with the reply. "He says it's too long a distance, that we'd need to go closer," he said.

Bonny Anne was silent, thinking. "Well then," she said. "We`ve got nothin' t' loose. Time fer some darin'. Go an' warn them, we`re goin' in close."

It was a daring manoeuvre, swerving round and diving in close to the pirate ship. They were rising everything, they knew. But it was their only chance of escape.

A burst of cannon fire, and sparks flew from the pirate ship.

"We got them!" Will exclaimed.

The pirate ship was slowing down. It slewed wildly to one side, seemingly out of control. Bonny Anne turned the communications unit on again. The pirate queen's shouting and cursing could be clearly heard.

"Goodbye, Queen Argent," she said. "That's tarnished yer reputation somewhat, I imagine!"

The pirate ship continued to fall behind as the Hilarity and her motley crew sped off into space.


The story continues...