Thursday, 14 May 2009

Hilarity Ensues Episode 4, part 3.

It was two days later, and the G&Sers stood around the small, rough-walled, tin-roofed building that was the sheriff's office of the town. In the centre, in front of the sheriff, stood Bonny Anne, looking surprisingly lovely in a long white dress- it seemed some things were the same wherever in the galaxy you went- while Jimdrick looked rather handsome in a black and white suit. Having worn the same clothes as the women on Queen Argent's ship for many years, he was finding it strange to cope with trousers, but he was starting to get the hang of it.

The marriage service, from what they had been told, was relatively simple, consisting mostly of promises to each other and a declaration that they understood the legal bond that was being formed between them. It was about to start.

The G&Sers had caused rather a stir in the out-of-the way town. Melting-pot of cultures as it was, no one had ever seen Earth-dwelling humans before. It had been rather embarrassing, actually, once word had got out and a small crown of onlookers had happened to hang around the spaceport, or when they walked down the street and heads had turned. Perhaps as a reaction to this they had done their best to look smart for the wedding- the men in the suits they had been wearing for the first act of The Mikado, the women in the white blouses they had worn in the first act and the black trousers they had worn under their kimonos in act two. Even the two stowaways had borrowed clothes that the cast members who had avoided kidnap had left behind. They looked quite smart, if somewhat uniform. They had been rehearsing earlier and now they formed themselves into a choir ready to sing.

"When the buds are blossoming, smiling welcome to the spring..." they began. It was a piece from the show they had done the year before, hastily taught to those who hadn't been there by David, the musical director.

"Spring and summer pleasure you, autumn aye, and winter too, every season has its' cheer, life is lovely all the year," they finished, almost all in tune and almost all in time. "Falalalala la la la, la, la!" Everyone turned back to the sheriff as he opened his mouth to continue the ceremony. Then his eyes widened in shock and horror.

"Your revels cease!" came a loud, authoritative voice from the back of the room. A horribly familiar voice. They all turned to look. Queen Argent was striding towards them. Bonny Anne and Jimdrick looked at each other, horrified. Jimdrick looked terrified as well, but Anne was more angry than afraid, squaring up to her mother.

"Hold, bride an' bridegroom, before ye wed each other," Argent said. "
There be certain secrets that th' bride dasn't know about th' groom."

"Secrets?" said Bonny Anne. She looked at Jimdrick. He shook his head. "I...can't think...there's nothing you don't know..."

Anne rounded on her mother. "You're just lying to try to stop me. Well, you can't."

"I be nay tellin' tales
," Argent said. "Just ye listen t' what Ruthless Rachel here has t' say."

The quartermistress came forward. "He dasn't know himself," she said. "Only I know th' secret o' his family history, an' I`ve kept 't quiet since Queen Argent rescued us. But when ye`d gone, an' we landed fer repairs in a town nay so far away an' heard what ye be up t', I decided 't be time t' tell th' tale.
"

"And what tale's that?" Bonny Anne demanded.

Ruthless Rachel turned to Jimdrick. "I loved ye. I saved yer life, an' now ye betray me
," she said. "Well, this be me revenge. Th' story o' yer parenthood. Yer father be nay jus' some ordinary ship`s pilot, as ye`ve always believed. He be a terrible, tortured soul, known only as Th' Baron. He be under a terrible curse, a curse that condemned him t' do a crime a day, or t' die in agony. He became a pirate, in th' end."

"A pirate!" Jimdrick explained. "But...no...surely not! I've always hated piracy, and longed to leave it behind me- and now I learn my father was a pirate!"

"Aye, he were," Ruthless Rachel continued. "But he were a useless one. He`d nay attack ships weaker than his own, an' when he attacked stronger ones he were always defeated. But he committed his crime a day by merely bein' a pirate, an' in a fairly harmless way. But he hated havin' t' obey th' curse, an' one day't all became too much- he refused, said he be goin' t' give up piracy, an' set a course fer th' nearest civilised planet. He went int' his cabin. But then we heard screamin', an' yer mother opened th' door an' he fell ou', writhin' in pain, shoutin' that th' holograms o' his ancestors had murdered him. He died, an' his crew fell t' fightin' among they's self until thar be none left. E'en yer mother were killed. I hid wi' ye until th' fightin' were over, an' then th' Queen heard th' distress call I sent ou', an' found us.
"

The others had been looking at each other in horror, especially Bonny Anne and Jimdrick.

"Well," said Anne, "Foul as your story is, it'll not stop our wedding."

"Ahh, but ye dasn't know th' worst yet," Queen Argent said.

"The curse be hereditary," Ruthless Rachel said. "`Tis inherited by th' eldest child o' th' family. An' that, me Jimdrick, be ye. Ye be now Th' Baron. Ye must commit a crime a day, or die in agony like yer father.
"

"No!" Jimdrick cried.

"Ye must, or ye'll die," Queen Argent said. "So ye may as well come back wi' us and be a pirate."

"I'd rather die than go back to that!" Jimdrick said heatedly.

"Then die ye shall," the Queen said, reaching for a weapon.


The story
continues...

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