Hilarity Ensues Episode 6, part 6.

Suddenly the quiet of the auditorium was shattered. One or two people who had been dozing off sat upright as the GilBot's speakers crackled into life.

"Hello? Is there anyone there? This is the relief party dispatched to Mine Base C14. Are you receiving this?"

Commander Douglas swooped round and grabbed at the GilBot. "Where's the mike on this thing?" she demanded. Nick pointed to its nose.

"Receiving you loud and clear," she said. "And very glad to hear from you."

"We're approaching the base now," the voice of the relief party said. "We'll be with you in half an hour. Can you advise us where to land?"

There was cheering from the engineers and the team from the base. Even the other travellers were relieved. Commander Douglas began giving instructions to the relief craft, scarcely audible above the cheering all around. But on the stage Mondeo still confronted Patrick, and the atmosphere was still tense.

Commander Douglas finished talking to the relief, and turned back to them.

"The matter will be resolved once the base has been recovered," she said. "Until then, as long as neither of you leaves the area- which you can't anyway- just try and keep out of each other's way." She turned and left the stage.

Mondeo turned to follow her. Patrick took a step towards her, as if to plead for mercy, but she ignored him and flounced off. He turned back to Ernest and the other travellers. Ruth put an arm round him, he looked so shaken and in need of comfort.

"What are we going to do?" she asked, looking round.

Ernest shrugged his shoulders. "I'm pretty sure Douglas knows it was a trick," he said. "Hopefully she'll say the law doesn't apply, if that's the case. It's the only way out that I can see- there's no doubt that he did drink from the cup. Fair or not, it's the law."

"I'm just afraid they might use it as an excuse to punish us for bringing that virus here," Will said. "They could easily take out their anger for that under the pretence that they're punishing this. We could easily be accused of aiding and abetting."

Ernest nodded. "Too right."

"It's not right," one of the engineers said, coming up to them. "We know you didn't mean to bring that virus- the dragoons attacked you first, and you've stayed to help us when maybe you didn't have to. And that woman...she's got such a reputation I'm surprised Douglas took her seriously."

"Reputation?" said Tom. The engineer nodded.

"She says the men of the base have tried it on with her, and maybe that's true enough, but only because she's asked them too! That girl'll go with anyone. And if you turn her down, she gets her revenge. Well, you can see that."

"Does Commander Douglas know this?" Ernest asked.

"If not, she's the only one in the base who doesn't," the engineer said.

"Is there nothing we can do?" Tom asked. The engineer shrugged.

"Afraid not, not that I can think of," he said. "Sorry."

The relief ship arrived. They had come prepared, with guns and explosives to take out the dragoons, and jamming devices which it was hoped would prevent them from operating. With this help, it didn't take long to recapture the base. By dawn the last few dragoons were trapped in the workshop where it had all began a few days before. One by one, the mad zombie robots were all destroyed.

With little left to do but clear up, the travellers were anxious to be gone. But there was still the problem of Patrick and Mondeo to be sorted out. During the day Douglas called the travellers to her.

"I think it is best, for your sakes and mine, if you are gone from here as quickly as possible. I've sent a couple of engineers to finish the work on your ship's computer, and as soon as she's fit to fly I suggest you leave."

"We're very grateful to you for your hospitality," Will began, "but we're certainly keen to leave as soon as we can."

"That just leaves the question of the breach of promise case," Douglas continued. She looked at Patrick, who was still looking tense and nervous. "I know something of Mondeo's reputation here. I think your clever friend here may well have been right when he says that she was trying to trap you. Certainly it was not right for her to try that trick- many many people here offer one another a cup as a way of proposing- when she knew you wouldn't know what it involved."

She seemed to come to a decision. "Go. Since you did not understand that what you were doing was committing a crime, and that there is some suspicion of deceit, my sentence is that you leave this planet as soon as you are able, and don't return. Do you accept that?"

Patrick nodded. "Thank you- thank you so much," he said, the tension dropping away.

"Well, we should be getting ready to leave," said Zoe, impatient as ever.

"Thank you again for your hospitality," Will said. "And our apologies for the trouble we've caused."

"If I hadn't been sure that it was an accident that you brought that virus, I would have known it when you stayed and helped us fight the dragoons," Commander Douglas replied. "Now go, and safe travel and good news at your journey's end."

"Thank you again," the travellers said, as they left to return to the Hilarity. "We got off lightly there," Ernest said, as the engineers collected up their tools to leave the ship once the computer was fixed.

Will nodded. "And now, finally, we can go home," he said, beginning to check that all was ready for lift off.

Home. Ruth stood at the side of the bridge, looking out at the stars as they took off and began to leave the planet behind. It might be a journey home for Will and Zoe, but for herself and the others every light-year travelled, every planet visited, took them further and further from home.

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 6, part 5.

They went back to the Hilarity, locking the doors and keeping watch in case the dragoons still in the base came out to investigate the fate their comrades had met. Everyone was tired from the digging, and those who had been in the tunnel when it exploded were quiet, remembering the fear and the noise and the stillness.

Ruth and her friends gathered in a room upstairs. Tom and Agnes were half asleep. "Are you ok?" Ruth asked Patrick. She could tell that there was something wrong with him. For a minute she thought he was going to protest that he was fine, but then he gave in, and told her what had happened between him and Mondeo earlier.

At first Ruth and the others were inclined to laugh. But as the story went on, and he told them what she had said about the law, their mood became serious.

"Did she say what the penalty was for breaking this law?" Tom said. Patrick shook his head. "I just wanted to get away from her, and ran- and that's when I saw the dragoons."

"But surely they can't prosecute," Adam said. "It's not as if you could have known the law. And she was the one who offered you the cup."

"She must have been trying to trap you," Agnes said.

"It worked," Patrick said glumly.

"But surely no prosecution would stand up in court?" Tom said.

"Who knows what sort of justice they have here?" Ruth replied. She looked across at Patrick, who was sat there looking tense and nervous. "But it's ok," she added, "We'll sort it out."

There was a knock, and Will opened the door. "Can you come downstairs?" he said. "There's...a problem."

"Is it the dragoons?" Tom asked, getting up. Will shook his head, and glanced over at Patrick. "Come on."

The others followed Will down into the auditorium. Commander Douglas was standing on the stage, with some of the other senior officers of the base grouped around her, and nearby stood Mondeo. Sitting around the auditorium, watching half-awake or sleeping on the cushioned benches were most of those who had escaped from the base. The rest of the travellers from Earth and Zoe were sat in a group near the stage, watching anxiously.

Will led them down to the stage. Commander Douglas looked up and beckoned to Patrick as they came near. He went over to her, the others joining the group watching.

"I understand that there has been some...difficulty between you and Mondeo here," she said. "She is suing you under the ancient custom of this planet, that where a man and a woman have drunk from the same cup, they should be regarded as engaged, and required by law to marry. It's an old law, and I have to say it's not usually taken seriously these days, but it is still law." She looked from Patrick to Mondeo and back again.

"Excuse me," said Agnes, "but can I ask what the penalty might be, if he's found guilty?"

"The penalties for breaking the ancient laws are quite severe," Commander Douglas said. "Especially where they can be proven to show a man deliberately deceiving someone, and then trying to avoid their responsibilities."

"But I never intended to give Mondeo the impression...I was just being friendly...I didn't mean..." Patrick said, beginning to panic. "And I knew nothing about that law, or I would never have drunk from that cup."

"I'm afraid that's not the point," Commander Douglas replied. "It's the law. There's nothing about not knowing, or not intending to give the impression. Perhaps there should be, but there isn't. I'll try and get it revised- next session. But I'm afraid that for the time being it is the law, and you will have to face trial. As commander of the base I act as magistrate, with full powers to enforce the law." She looked around at the travellers. "Even capital punishment, if I deem it necessary."

Ruth and the others could see that Patrick was panicking, unsurprisingly. They were shocked too. Commander Douglas called on Mondeo to tell her side of the story, and then called some of the others who had been digging the tunnel to corroborate her statement that Patrick had accepted the cup and shared it with her. Then she asked Patrick for his version of events. Stumblingly, he told the story.

"Then you don't deny that you drank from the cup?" Commander Douglas asked as he finished.

"I drank from it," he said, "but if I had known about the law I wouldn't have."

"The point is that the law has been broken," the commander said. "Either you marry Mondeo- if she will have you- or I will have to inflict a suitable penalty on you." Patrick flinched, and looked from her to Mondeo, who was smiling nastily, knowing that she had won. Then he looked over at his friends, pleading with them to help him. They looked at one another, and some whispering went on. Then Ernest stood up and climbed onto the stage. He had been training to be a lawyer, back on earth, although it didn't seem as if that would help him much here.

"The law may have been broken," he said, "but you're forgetting one thing. She offered him the cup. She knew that he didn't know the law, but she still tried to get him to drink without telling him. That suggests to me that she was trying to trick him."

The girl's smile disappeared and was replaced by a look of hatred that was eloquence itself. Commander Douglas looked thoughtful. Ruth thought that Ernest might have gone some way towards convincing her.

"I loved him," Mondeo broke out suddenly. "Lots of men had made suggestions to me in the past, had tried to chat me up- virtually the whole base here has tried it at one time or another. But I never loved them. He was different- he was nice. And I loved him- but he betrayed me. I want justice!"

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 6, part 4

Patrick just ran, hardly realising where he was going except that it was away from Mondeo. He reached the top of a snowbank and looked back down on the base below. There were several dragoons gathered round the entrance at the end of the concourse. They were moving around on the snow, slowly, and Patrick thought at first, at random. But then he realised that they were testing something, tracks which they had fitted to their wheels that enabled them to overcome the problems they had experienced with the snow at first.

He stood and stared as the dragoons, one by one, formed a line and began moving out across the snow. Then he realised. They were heading for the place where the tunnel was being dug!

The others were inside the tunnel, they wouldn't know until it was too late. He began to run down the slope towards the entrance to the tunnel, slipped, fell and picked himself up again. He had to warn them.

He reached the entrance to the tunnel and looked around briefly. The dragoons were still out of sight. He ran on, down the tunnel. It seemed long, longer than he remembered. At last he reached the end where the group of diggers were, and panted out the news.

"How far away are they?" Commander Douglas said when he had finished.

"Not far," he said.

"Is there time for us to reach the tunnel entrance before they do?"

"I don't know," he said. "I don't think so."

"We're trapped," Tom said, almost shouted. "We're cut off!" People started to panic and murmur to one another.

"All right, keep calm," Commander Douglas said. "Yes, we're trapped. But we're the ones with digging equipment, and if we can keep our heads we can dig our way out."

"But there's no time- they'll be here before we can get half way to the surface!" Will said agitatedly.

"We've got explosives. We can hold them up," Commander Douglas said. "You three, get to work on that. Mine the tunnel about a hundred metres down. Quickly!"

"But that'll bring the tunnel down around us!" Tom said.

"Like I said, we can dig ourselves out. Now stop talking and start digging!"

They did as she said, digging upwards with such energy that the tools quivered and bent under the strain. Even so, they seemed to hardly be making progress. One of those working on the explosives came running back.

"We've got the explosives set up," she said. "But there's still no sign of them."

"Maybe they're waiting at the tunnel entrance," Will suggested. Commander Douglas shook her head.

"If you see them coming, prepare to set the bombs off," she said. "But not till then. Give us as long as you can. And the rest of you, keep digging!" she shouted. The engineer nodded and went back to the others.

The digging went on and on. At the time it felt like hours, but Ruth realised afterwards that it could only have been minutes. Even Patrick forgot his other troubles in digging furiously. All he noticed was that Mondeo was not in the tunnel with them.

Suddenly they heard shouting and the three engineers came running down the tunnel.

"They're coming! Get down!"

Everyone crouched on the floor of the tunnel, hoping desperately that they were far enough away that the force of the bomb would be softened by the snow. And that it would destroy the dragoons. Now that everything was quiet they could hear them far away, muffled by the snow, rattling down the tunnel.

Seconds of silence that seemed to last forever. Then finally the explosion, that seemed to rip the silence apart and fling it into a million high pitched fragments of noise. Then quiet again, seeming somehow more silent than before in contrast to the explosion, but in reality full of soft sounds, of snow settling, of people pulling themselves to their feet. Ruth put her hand to her cheek, which had been struck by what she took to be a piece of flying metal, but her hand found a piece of solidly frozen ice next to her face.

She stood up. The tunnel behind them had collapsed completely, and there was neither sight nor sound of the dragoons. The others who had been in the tunnel were all chattering away loudly and at cross purposes, so that with her ears still ringing from the blast she struggled to make out what they were saying. She looked up. She could just see the daylight coming in through a tiny hole in the roof of the tunnel- now much thinner than it was, thanks to the blast from the explosion.

"Quiet!" Commander Douglas shouted authoritatively. Everyone turned to look at her, falling silent. "Now," she said, "Let's get out of here." She got them organised, building steps out of packed snow till they could reach the hole and widen it.

"Can you see anything?" she asked Nick, who had put his head through to look out.

"All clear, as far as I can see," he replied.

One by one they clambered up. Ruth had never thought she would be as pleased to feel the icy wind on the surface of that snow covered planet again. They walked back along the line of the tunnel, which it was easy to see because the ground had sunk down along its length, leaving a snow-filled trench.

Further back near the entrance the ground was scuffed up, and shards of metal and plastic lay scattered about in the snow. It was evident that they were right above the centre of the explosion. It was evident too that serious harm had been done to the dragoons, since bits of their casings were lying about.

"Looks like it's worked," Tom said, turning a piece of metal over with his shoe.

"How many were there, though?" Commander Douglas wondered aloud, looking at Patrick. Immediately he looked nervous. "Er...I don't know. Maybe...maybe ten?"

"Ten," she said. "Well, even if it was a few more, that still leaves us with plenty more to deal with at the base." She looked around. "It's getting dark. We should head back to the ship."

The story continues...

Hilarity Ensues Episode 6, part 3

Their situation at first seemed hopeless. Unprotected on the freezing surface of the planet, with no food, no shelter and no way of escaping, their chances of survival seemed very low even if the dragoons didn't find some way of coping with the snow and come after them.

But before long things began to look up. Commander Douglas wasn't a woman to give up without a struggle, and soon organised them to dig into the snow for shelter. That was when Nick came up with an idea. Hilarity was right at the end of the concourse, far away from the base, and the snow had built up around her in the days since she had been there. It should be possible to dig a tunnel in the snow that would allow them to reach the ship unseen by the dragoons. The whole group set to work, and after some time they reached the ship.

Hilarity was not quite ready to take off, with some repairs, mainly to the navigation computer, not completed. But she could serve as a shelter, and there was enough food on board to keep them going for a few days. Even better, once they were there, Nick and some of the engineers from the base were able to use the GilBot to send a distress signal to the other bases in the area. Help would soon be on its way.

But there were mutterings among the travellers. Some, with Zoe as their leader, wanted to take their chances and take off now.

"But we can't do that," Will protested when the travellers met upstairs in the green room to discuss the situation. "We can't just leave the others here- they could die without shelter."

"Well then, take them with us. We can drop them off at one of the other bases."

"Commander Douglas says she won't leave the base until it has been re secured," Agnes said.

"Anyway, the ship isn't ready yet," Nick put in.

"We could manage. It'll be a bit of a risk but we can do it," Zoe replied eagerly. "Look, Will and I have got to get home."

"But it's our lives you're risking, as well as your own," Tom said.

"Well then, you can stay behind," Zoe said. Everyone stared at her.

"No," Will said. "We're not leaving anyone behind."

"It's our fault that they're in this situation," Nick said. "We brought the virus here which transformed the dragoons into zombie robots. We can't just leave while they're still in danger."

"If you do go you'll have to go without me," Will said, looking at Zoe. "We've got to stay."

Zoe looked round at them all. Some people looked back, showing their agreement with Will. A few looked at the floor, but no one supported her.

"Damn you," she said. "So we stay."

They turned around as someone knocked on the door. "Come in," Will said, and Mondeo entered. "Can you come downstairs?" she asked. "Captain Douglas has got a plan to defeat the dragoons."

The plan was to lure the dragoons into a trap. Douglas had seen how the dragoons had struggled with the snow, and she had come up with a plan to lure the dragoons down a snow-built tunnel and, using some explosives from the Hilarity's weapons store, blow up the tunnel with them inside. So they all set to work, most digging the tunnel with whatever implements they could find, and others getting to work on the explosives.

It was surprisingly hard work, digging snow. First of all they dug a small tunnel as an experiment, and used a small explosive to test whether it would indeed bring down the tunnel as they had planned. It did, but they could see some modifications needed to be made to the tunnel design. When that had been done they started digging the main tunnel in shifts. But it was slow work. They had to begin at the end of the tunnel further away from the base and dig back towards it, hoping that the dragoons would think they were trying to force entry to the base, and would come up the tunnel to stop them. Yet after several hours hard work there was still some way to go.

A group of the travellers were helping to dig, deep inside the tunnel. With them were several of the engineers from the base, including Mondeo. She had been chatting to the travellers, and one or two of them were starting to notice that she was paying more attention to Patrick than to any of the others, and to wonder what this might mean. He, as always, was friendly, and seemed to be pleased by and responding to her attention.

Emma and Sarah brought round a tray with cups of hot drink. Patrick, being polite, allowed the others, including Mondeo, to get their drink ahead of him, and by the time he got there all the cups had gone. Mondeo said he could share hers. There were one or two sly chuckles and knowing looks among the travellers. The local engineers nearby seemed to take note of them too, and there were a few whispers and raised eyebrows.

So when someone was needed to return to the ship to fetch some tools, and Patrick volunteered, no one was surprised that Mondeo volunteered to go with him. They started back towards the ship, keeping out of sight of the base until they could reach the access tunnel. But just as they reached the entrance Mondeo stopped.

"Is something wrong?" Patrick asked.

"No, no...I just wanted to talk to you..." she replied, suddenly seeming shy. "Patrick...I've known lots of men, but never one like you. You're...special. I don't want you to leave, I want you to stay here with me, forever. Won't you stay with me?" She looked up at him, pleadingly, her eyes soulful.

He stared at her, and took a step backwards away from her. "I...I think there's a misunderstanding," he said hesitantly. "I mean...I like you, I think you're a nice person, but I mean...I've only known you a few days. And I can't stay here- I've got to get back to Earth..." He sounded embarrassed.

Her whole manner changed in a flash. "I see," she said, her voice as cold and frosty as the air around them on that snowy planet. "Well then, perhaps I should tell you about a certain custom we have on this planet. It is recognised as law that when an unmarried, unrelated male and female have drunk from the same cup, then they are required by law to marry. As you can see, that puts us both in a difficult position."

Patrick just stared at her. Then he turned and ran.

The story continues...